hello, december!

YAY, its over!!! (NaBloPoMo)

no time to blog…cause…MY FINGERTIPS ARE RAW!!!

have an awesome friday!! 

~jos~
 

christmas gift tag -- to: the world, from: me

What are the five gifts you would buy

for yourself this Christmas,

if you had unlimited income??

wow!  well, of course my first thought is that if i had unlimited income i’d want to continually give it away to those in need, starting with my own family and friends.  and of course i’d want to give it away to my blogging buddies, too, but i dont know them well enough yet to know what they’d realllly really want from Santa. ;) hehe! 

soooo, i think i’ll stick with the original meme and tag a few random peeps who’ve visited my site recently!  am i allowed to do that? hahah!  well, surprise!!  ya never know what you might get for stoppin by. hehe. :D

OKAY. CUT!!  take two…

i wrote this yesterday, to post for today…but, as i was out running errands this morning i heard a song on the radio i havent heard in years.  it touched me the same way it did the very first time i heard it (1992 i believe, the year i grad from high school…), and  i just knew i had to use it for this meme. 

 

being the sappy, sentimental, dreamy-dreamerton that i am. 

 

now remember, esp you youngens ;)  that this superdoopercheesey vid was shot probably circa 1992.  so, if you cant take the cheesiness (cause i almost cant! LOL!) just close your eyes and listen to the song.  this version will always be my fave, even tho there’s many other good ones out there.

Amy Grant, Grown-Up Christmas List.  From Home for Christmas, 1992.

thanks to, of course, rolando for tagging me :)

 

301 days til my birthday

thanks to rolando for taggin me with this fun stuff!

what do to:

• Pick your birth month.
• Bold the 5-10 traits that best apply to you.
• Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months.
• Tag 12 people from your friends list. (i dont have that many friends yet! LOL.)
  

i'm passing it on to the following people, because i'd like to know a little more about them!

i hope so:  hope this helps ya get the rest of the way thru NaBloPoMo!  i think you'll like this one :)

amy:  i just cant wait to see what traits you pick :)

starshine:  you're such an interesting person with a fascinating career (to me!).  i hope you enjoy this meme! 

intrepid:  i'm sure ya need something fun to do! hehe =D

MY BIRTH MONTH IS...

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

let me just clarify that i decided to choose "attractive" only because i DONT think im UGLY! LOL!!  i am usually told im "cute." *SIGH*  *teehee*  (its just cause im short and have chipmunk cheeks. LOL!!)  there were a few other things that actually described me in that list, but i picked the 10 that were the most prominent!  i was surprised at how accurate it was.

am i the only one that feels somewhat narcissistic doing memes like this? HEHE!  i mean, its fun for me, dont get me wrong!  hopefully everyone else out there finds it interesting to learn stuff like that about others.  i know i like reading everyone else's!  (i guess you have to be somewhat narcissistic to be a blogger anyhoo, right? hehe.)

here's some more interesting stuff about august...

my fave is "National Psoriasis Awareness Month." ROTFL!!!  i swear, they have months for EVERYthing. :P

here's the full year for those who got tagged.  how about the rest of you--which ones describe you?

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
 

see ya, ebenezer!

 

the last several years i've found myself really dreading the holidays, especially christmas. it's all i can do to choke through thanksgiving knowing that "black friday" is looming. i've felt like a scrooge--dont wanna put up lights or the tree or any decorations, HATE shopping, sooo sick of christmas everything (including christmas music!) coming out wayyy before thanksgiving.  my goodness i dont even want to watch my fave old christmas cartoons--the grinch and rudolph!  :-O  i could go on and on!!

to be right up front--i've just gotten sick of the shallow commercialism. that's it in a nutshell, but its way more complicated than that.

we all celebrate christmas for different reasons, in different ways. for some, its shopping and finding that perfect gift for a loved one that was a great bargain!! woot! feels good to save money and still get a special gift. for others, its traveling and seeing family or friends you only get to see once a year and having a christmas feast like no other. some people get really into all the decorating--stuff in the yard, multiple trees in the house, greenery and poinsettias in every room! and others call it the birthday of their Savior, Jesus.

there's absolutely nothing wrong with any of those reasons. but when you yourself feel empty, like that spark of wonder, excitement and joy of the season is gone, then you begin to contemplate in your scrooged-up brain--what is the meaning of christmas to me?? what is the POINT?? do i really even care?

well at least that's how i'm feeling.

every scrooge has a reason to NOT enjoy celebrating christmas--painful reminders of lost loved ones or sour relationships, the stress of all the hustle and bustle, dreading weight gain and stressing about our diets, not enough money to spend (or spending too much), overloaded at work, running the kids around for this and that, and just plain ole burn-out...blahblahblah. 

so, i've decided this year i will be a scrooge no more! with all the negativity i've drummed up for myself in 2007 surrounding my endometriosis, feeling physically terrible, being emotionally whacked out, and struggling with my weight i definitely need to end this year on a positive note.

plus, i miss the cheery, bubbly, silly-go-lucky old me. where'd she go?

now dont get me wrong, finding a reason to be cheery and festive--especially this year--is like pulling teeth for me! i just wanna be grumbly and hermity and get by doing the least possible. but truthfully, deep down, i WANT to be happy this christmas.  i'm not looking for a polly-anna holiday, but i secretly want to get lost in the warmfuzzy feelings of season.

but i want to do it for the right reasons. MY right reasons.

so i said to myself, "self, what are your RIGHT reasons for celebrating christmas?" and my self said:

1. to celebrate Jesus' birth
2. to do something for those in need
   
3. to spend time with my family
   

okay, well that was easy. so why do i still feel like little miss crabby butt?

well first, its because i'm still not going to church. i've been lazy and picky and we just havent found one to stick with. now, i've said before that i dont believe going to church is gonna get me to heaven! i think its good to look at it as a maintenance thing--you know, like when you wake up in the morning and your bad breath reminds you to brush your teeth. LOL! kinda the same thing, ya know? ;)

i miss being surrounded by stories of Jesus' birth, the little kids singing Silent Night, the skits and the christmas eve services. since i am currently not a part of a church family, now i'm lacking in the spiritual meaningfulness department of the season.  (i'm sparing you pages and pages of writing about this spiritual stuff.  hehe.  for now.)

second, most of us focus on giving an overabundance of special, thoughtful gifts to our friends and family. while i DO enjoy giving, i DONT enjoy seeing my gift tossed in a pile and probably being forgotten by new years. and i hate the fact that i cant even remember who got me what last year--obviously i'm getting more gifts than i need or deserve! and what about the kids and their heaps of toys that have to be put away and rotated because they have so many?? i wont even go there...

when i was in college, each year our floor in the dorm gathered together and gave food, clothes, and toys through a local organization that supported families that were truly in need.  i will never forget the tingly feeling of pure joy that permeated my heart as we bought, wrapped and delivered the care packages.  ahhh, how i miss that feeling!!!  it made me cry to know those people knew they could never repay our kindness tangibly.  but i know they paid it forward in love and gratefulness, which to me is the stuff that changes the world.  simple human kindness.  

and lastly (but not leastly! LOL), time with my side of the family has just gotten stale.  its nothing they do wrong--its my expectations and selfish childishness that ruins it for me.  this is very hard for me to admit.  my family is not perfect (whose is? hehe).  we dont have the "all american" ideal holiday with special traditions, lavish gifts, cheesey smiles and turtle-neck sweaters.  not that that's what i want!  but sometimes i long for more meaning than pigging out and wasting a lot of wrapping paper, ya know?

see, here's my quintessential problem.  in my scroogy brain, i'm thinking about how this certain family member always says this, and that certain family member always expects that, and how we all need to do this, and why cant we just learn to do that...so, while all that's going on on the inside, my outside is like "HUH?"  and there's no connection to any good vibes that might be floating around.  i'm too busy building the wall!!  there's no osmosis whatsoever. LOL.  just me, being there, thinking too much, eating loads to ease the frustration, walking around like a robot...

so i need to re-tie the ties that bind.  what would that take for me?  well, knowing we all get along--that's a PLUS.  my family actually WANTS to see me, i am lucky!  okay well what about deeper stuff...the binding stuff...hmmmm...

my parents are proud of me even tho they dont say it and i need to hear it (because well that's something im working on).  my sister loves me and looks up to me cause im her big sister (and we are stinkin funny together. LOL!).  my niece and nephew think i'm a cool aunt and enjoy spending time with me, and hopefully i am a good role model.

WHOA. WAIT.  why is this all of the sudden about me?  why is it necessary for ME to be stroked and put on a pedestal in order to enjoy time with my family??

GAH!  another revelation.  boy, this post is never gonna end ;) teehee.  i'll think on this and elaborate at a later time.

for now, hmmm well...i think ive helped myself understand what i need to do to de-scrooge.  in keeping with my love of list-making, before the end of the year, i'm going to:

1. start going to church and attend a christmas eve service
2. give my finances AND time to a local charity
3. SHOW my family WHY i love them so much, not just how much...this isnt about me.

so, maybe this list may seem a bit scanty and without deep thought, but its not.  ive gotta start somewhere, right?  i want to be happy and spread a positive, loving attitude this holiday...and i want it to last. :)  baby steps!

if you're struggling with this, too, i encourage you to take a look inside yourself.  think about it--do you realllly wanna drown your pathetic sorrow in that miserable attitude?  its not that things will be perfect this year if you do--or next year, or the next.  maybe you need some time to heal.  or, maybe you just need to take some immediate action--like getting back into the REAL world, away from work and maybe even the virtual world.  i know this all too well. 

and dangit, if i'm gonna work on it someone else has to, too. hehe. ;)  cause the world sure as heck doesnt need any more scrooges.  we can do a lot for this world by changing jussstttt a little.

spiritual meaningfulness.  human kindness.  the ties that bind. 

*happy relieved but-i-still-need-to-think-about-this sigh* 

~josey~   

 

i wanna be in ONEderland by 2008!

happy monday, folks :)

i believe my poor, nutritionally abused body is having chocolate cupcake/pumpkin pie with whipped cream/mashed potatoes/dressing withdrawal today.  i feel like crap!  headache, body aches, acid reflux, general malaise...bleh.

this is what usually happens after i've eaten "irresponsibly" for more than a few days in a row. *hehe*  i'm positive im not getting the flu or a cold; i havent had one in over two years!  i actually ate some HEALTHY food last nite and today, so now my body is ticked-off and rebelling cause IT WANTS JUNK.

fortunately, last nite i also planned out our menu for the whole week--every single meal.  its been rough sticking with it today, because im a little grumpy and wanting sugary/carby junk.  i usually give myself a "transition day,"  but i have to stick it out!  i'm tired of letting myself slack.  just a few more days or less, and i'll feel normal and energetic again.

my weigh-in this morning was 208.6! EEEEEP!  i suppose i'm not toooo shocked, but man.  what a big ole dork i am for going nutto with the food over the holiday.  i have a goal to lose 10lb by the end of the year.  i will be sooooooo happy if i do!  no wait...i'll be sooooooo happy WHEN I DO!! 

i wont even go on a tirade on how im such an idiot and i could have been under 200 and well below over the summer.  i'm just too tired to type that much right now ;)  hehe.  i suppose the best thing i can do is to keep focusing on the positive and making good food choices and getting in my exercise!

here's my plan for the next several weeks:

• yoga 3+ times/week
• cardio 4+ times/week
• strength training 2-3 times/week
• continue incorporating my blood type dietary changes
• avoid refined carbs and fast food!!

AND most importantly...loving myself and being kind and patient with myself.  even tho i havent lost tons this year, i know i would have GAINED had i not stopped my self-trash-talkin-train-of-thought as much as i have.  stinkin thinkin has no place in a healthy relationship with ones self!    

i should be proud that i have at least maintained most of what i've lost despite the physical and emotional things i've had to deal with this year.  i'm sure the hormonal imbalances (esp thyroid) have thwarted even my best efforts so i cant completely say it was a total lack of motivation.  its just soo hard to give yourself ANY credit when you've failed so many times at something you want SOOO BADLY.

okay!  enuff rambling for now...;)  time to go rest for a while and i will see you all back here tomorry!

enjoy your monday!!

~josey~ 

 

do you see what i see?

i'm back already! hehe ;)

last week, rolando tagged me with this fun meme -- PhotoShow: 100 Meters! 

the object is to post four or more photos of things you see within 100 meters (or 328 feet, 1 inch...hehehe) of your home.

i'm sad it had to be about 20 degrees outside today, cause i'd have gone a little farther away from our property to take pix! ;)  plus, being nearly winter, there's not much but a lot of drab outside.  but let's see what i found...

 

an old birdhouse hanging in one of our fir trees. i love it, cause it looks like a little house on the prairie wagon! i should probably take it down and somehow clean it out.

 

a calendula in my herb garden. somehow, it's still fighting even near the end of november! we even had a light snow last week. tough little guy!!

 

we live right next to a cemetery (its not as creepy as it sounds!). there's a path from our yard into part of the cemetery, and this is the first grave i see every time we go for a walk. i always say a prayer for this little boy's family. he would have been 24 this year.

 

i'm looking up into our hawthorne tree. if you look closely, you can see its HUGE thorns! (up to 4 inches or so!) i love watching the chipmunks, squirrels and birds run through the branches like it's a piece of cake. plus, in the summer it has small, bright green leaves and tiny white flowers that smell heavenly.

 

there's a 4-car garage on our property that is rented out for storage. i'd love to see this old car in action!! 

 

i chose to tag a few folks who i think might capture our attention through their perspective!

• J.D. of The Uneasy Supplicant
  
• Beenzzz of Photo-Stealthative
• Erin of Sights and Ramblings
• Sam of Bits to Remember
  

 

i’ve been tagged! what do i do?

• take photos up to 100 meters from your place
• add your name to the original list linking to the post you’ve created
• tag as many friends as you like!

 

PhotoShow: 100 Meters

1. Andy Bailey of FiddyP
2. Lalla-Mira of Lalla-Mira.com
3. Opal Tribble of VeganMomma.com
4. Pelf of Pelf-ism is contagious
5. Mike of Mike’s Photo Blog and Exit78
6. Dan of dcrBlogs
7. Rolando of R Playground
8. josey of stayin silly, livin lucky
   

 

flip-flopping

wow, a lot has happened this week...the holiday itself ruled my schedule!  but, i also semi-plunged my hand back into some writing that i havent done in sooo longgg...i talked to God a whole lotta heaps about life and friendships...i went wayyyyy off my health-focused path...it snowed...LOL...;)

the last 7 days flew by so quickly.  so what was my simplest pleasure?

strangely enough, it was changing around our tv room! :-O

i'm one of those crazy people who is always changing around my rooms anyhoo. hehe.  even funnier, hubby is the same way!  so we just have a blast rearranging stuff all the time. LOL!  im sure our families think we're nuts.  (and we are. hehe.)

this is the room we changed around--we basically flip-flopped it.  it was perfect for watching football on thanksgiving and toasty-ing up with the fireplace after dinner!!  (can anyone say NAP TIME? hehe!  two sections of the couch recline, too...ahhh :D )  plus, the hugemongous window gives a wonderful view of our tons of fall leaves, and once we get snow that stays, it'll be a pretty sight!

 

and of course, this room is the pets' favorite "big screen tv." LOL!  it's definitely my fave room, especially during winter because it's the brightest room in the house. :)

enjoy your sunday, and hope you are all recuperating after the holiday!

~josey~ 

doggone it!

awwww, man!!

i broke my NaBloPoMo streak!!  WAAAAHHHH!!! :'(

i even logged in last night and responded to a comment, but somehow i had a brain fart and didnt POST! GUH!!

well wait...i have a good excuse!!  okay first, i posted that super long story on thanksgiving--couldnt that count for two days worth of posts? *puppydogeyes*  and the biggest and bestest excuse...i am visiting my parents...and they have...

DIAL UP!!!! *ECHO ECHO ECHO* 

*spirals out of control screaming and pulling my hair out*

i mean gosh, when you sit here waiting for two minutes for a page to load, its easy for one to lose consciousness, er at least lose train of thought ;)  hehehe.

grrrr crap.  ah, well.  i will continue on and post every day for the rest of the month AND post on december 1st. HAHAHA.

so, things are fun here in IN.  (yes, we had turkey day with hubby's family at our house in WI on thursday, and then yesterday morning we drove to IN to be with my fam.)  last nite we visited my sister (yep, my partner in candy stealing crime LOL) and had supper and watched Evan Almighty.  i dont watch a lot of movies normally...i dont know why.  but this one cracked me up quite a bit.  steve carrel is just a hoot! (not sure if i spelled his name right, but since i'm on dial up i am NOT going to wait 10 minutes to search and find out if its correct...rotfl...) 

today we are having thanksgiving dinner #2.  of course, my mom outdid herself like usual.  we're not only having turkey, but a yummy spiral ham, too.  plus mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, dressing, a few veggies, chicken noodles (to put on the mashed pots!), deviled eggs, salad, veggie/cheese tray, and a million desserts.  i just know ken will have to ROLL me out to the car tomorrow morning! LOL!!!  (you know, like little Violet on Willy Wonka? hahhah!)

well anyhoo, i better skedattle.  i hope you all are enjoying the holiday weekend in your own way!  whether youre surrounded by family, hanging out with a few friends or flyin it solo, i wish you a blessed time.  i hope you can also enjoy some of the weather--its really cold here (about 30), but the sun is shining and the frost on the grass and trees looks beautiful!

ttys! (TOMORROW!!) hehe...

~josey~

crinkle crinkle scoop

it was the fall of 1982.  the damp air lingered of the familiar smell of crunched, wet leaves and they kept sticking to my pointy boots.  it was so dark we could barely see the houses outside of town until we pulled in the driveways.  the plastic mask on my face smelled weird but i liked it.  i just needed to stop licking my lips because they were getting chapped and i hated that chapstick crap mom made me use.

rex and annie gave us apples again this year.  well foo.  i guess that’s okay, at least that’s one thing dad won’t eat!  papaw gave us an apple, too, but mamaw of course threw in lots of candy.  its so cool she puts them in the special little bags.  and she remembered i love baby ruth!

my bucket was getting pretty heavy and we were headed home.  cyb wanted to trade, and mom hollered at us one last time that there was no trading and it was all going in one big bowl when we got home.  the BIG ORANGE bowl. 

that’s really the only time i remember seeing that bowl, during halloween.  it was plastic, thick and kinda like melmac only not shiny.  it was pretty dang scratched up, too.  i bet it used to be mamaw’s or something.  anyway, i dont know what it was really made of, but seeing that bowl was ALWAYS a good thing. 

i thought it was dumb we couldnt just eat however much candy we wanted to that night.  we tried to sneak a few pieces in the car, but i SWEAR mom has radar in the back of her head!!  as soon as she heard one little candy wrapper crinkle, we’d see her laser eyes in the rearview mirrow.  geeeeezzz.  it didnt help that cybil wasn’t a good sneaker.  i guess she couldnt help it she was only 3 and not experienced and as wily as me yet. 

maybe when im a mom i’ll have that radar, too.  that would be cool to bust my kids when they’re doing something REALLY bad.  cause eating candy is not a crime, ya know!

so we got home and my dad instantly starts pilfering through our hard-earned bounty.  cybil began to wail and her vampire fangs fell out of her mouth onto the floor.  i picked them up to put them on the table—ewww, slobber bubbles and red lipstick!  i sighed and went to the bathroom to change out of my witch’s garb.  the green goopy makeup on my face was really starting to itch, too.

mom let us each pick a few pieces of candy and said after bathtime we’d need to head on up to bed.  which was good, cause my 8-year-old body was achy from all that hunching over all night like an old hag! 

once we were in tucked in, i heard cyb sniffling in her bed.  (we shared a room.)  dad yelled up the stairs and said she better stop crying or he’ll give her something to cry about.  i whispered over to her, “what’s wrong? does your leg itch again?”

she got to wear a walking cast because of her club foot surgery.  when her leg itched she needed it scratched NOW.  we usually used the handle of a flyswatter, cause it was the only thing thin enough to fit into the cast. 

“jos, i…”  she started to talk in that “im-getting-ready-to-weep-really-loudly” voice and i shhhhhhushed her and said, “just tell me quietly!”

“jos, i want some more candy.  daddy’s gonna eat it all!  its MINE!!”

“yeah, i want some more, too.  but we gotta do what mom says or we wont get anymore at all.”  of course i said this in all big sisterly authority, but deep down i felt the same as her.

CLICK.  then a bright light shone from the middle of our bedroom floor.  sccrrrrape—crinklecrinkle—clunk.  there was an air vent that went straight through the floor of our room into the kitchen.  you could see the top of the fridge and the counter and some of the floor.

and the BIG ORANGE bowl.  full of candy.  on TOP of the fridge.  

sccrrrape—crinklecrinkle—clunk.  i peeked over and saw dad putting the BIG ORANGE bowl back on top of the fridge.  cyb started to whimper.

“see, i told you he’d eat it all!”

“girls, GO TO SLEEP!”  dad yelled up at the kitchen ceiling.  man, did dad have the mom radar, too??

i put my finger to my lip.  CLICK.  we sat in the darkness as dad left the kitchen.

a few minutes passed as we pouted.

“hey cyb, wanna steal some candy?”

“but won’t daddy and mommy see us when we walk past??”

i smirked and leaned over and pointed to the air vent.  she giggled and giggled and so did i.  a major event in our life history was about to take place.

we could hear dad and mom’s laughter filtering up the stairway along with tv noise, so we knew the coast was clear. 

the first obstacle was getting out of bed without them hearing.  our floors were creaky and old and cyb’s cast would probably clunk.  we waited until dad busted a gut again and then quickly shuffled to the vent.  we waited and listened.  no movement downstairs.  success!

whew.  now removing the vent cover.  it was one of those really heavy, metal covers that looks like a grid and was about 12 inches by 12 inches.  luckily, it wasnt screwed to the floor.  we saw dad take it off before so we knew it would be a piece of cake!  well, we hoped.  

as i was wriggling the cover with only a second to go, the kitchen light CLICKed back on!  AACCKK! :-O  dad was getting more candy!!  :-O :-O  cyb and i froze and i prayed in my head, “please God, dont let dad look up!  i swear i’ll leave him some candy!  and please God, don’t let cybil make any noise and ruin it all!”   

sccrrrrape—crinklecrinkle—clunk.  i heard dad mumble and sort through the handful of candy he’d grabbed, then throw a few empty wrappers back in the bowl.  geez!! hurry up already.  the vent cover was digging into the fleshy parts of my fingers.  it hurt sooo bad, but i knew i couldnt budge or we’d end up getting the beatings of our lives.

after what seemed like years, he finally left.  CLICK.  my feet had fallen asleep because i was on my knees the the whole time, sitting back on my feet.  cybil grabbed the vent to help me and it made a loud scratching noise.  my mouth flew open with no sound coming out for a second, then a firm KKCCcccKKKK cause i knew mom’s radar wouldnt miss that one!

we heard her annoyingly say from the living room, “john, i think that damn mouse is in the ceiling again.  did you hear that??”  

“hmmm, i didnt hear anything.”  Crinklecrinkle.  munchmunch.  “i’ll set a few more traps in the morning.”

i glared at cyb, tho i doubt she could see my ticked-off-edness in the dark.  “let me do the grown up work, okay?  if you want the candy then let me be the boss.”

“okay.”  she rolled her little toddler eyes.  grrrrr.

i painstakingly pulled the vent the rest of the way out and set it off to the side.  i felt the blood rush back into my fingertips and they felt hot.  owwww.  now the vent opening seemed like this huge, vast vortex or black hole in space or something.  and there was candy at the center of it.  

looking back now, had inspector gadget made his debut i’m sure i’d have wished i had go-go-gadget arms.  cause dangit, my arm wasnt long enough to reach through the vent opening and grab some candy.  im also sure that had macgyver been around in 1982 we would have felt pretty dang cool and macgyver-like creating the contraption we ended up makin to get some’a that candy!

“we need something to scoop out the candy, jos.  how about my flyswatter?”

she handed it to me and i stuck it through the hole.  it was definitely long enough!  but not enough scooping action.  

we scoped around our room, our eyes adjusted to the dark by now.  we knew we couldnt get up and walk around or we’d be heard by the parentals.  my closet door was open and something caught my eye.

“how about a hanger?  maybe we can unwind it and hook something to the end as a scoop?”

i motioned to cybil to stay put and i slowly stood up.  CRREEAAAK.  “guh, i hate these floors!” i whispered, feeling a bit of a nervous hot flash.

i waited a second and heard dad’s lazy boy foot rest come down.  KERPLUNK.  i sighed.  great, what timing.  he went into the bathroom cause i heard the the door close.  then mom got up and went into the kitchen.

fortunately, this setback only lasted a minute because soon after i heard mom yell to dad, “hurry up!!  its back on!” and she scampered back into the living room.

once we heard the KERPLUNK of the lazy boy again, i slid stealthily over to my closet door.  i have to admit i was pretty good.  maybe i got lucky tho, cause dad was laughing a lot and they didnt hear the creaks.

i grabbed a wire hanger and it was stuck to another.  too late!  i already pulled it and a few other ones chimed and clinked as they fell to the wood floor.  that’s it, i know they’ll hear that!  i was very close to the stairway and they were sitting just below.

but somehow, by the grace of God above, they didnt.  i shuffled back to the air vent and cybil had found an old dish towel to use as a scoop.

“why is that up here?  that’s one of mom’s dish rags.”

“my baby doll needed a diaper, and this was pink so i took it.”

“oh, uh, okay.  please dont tell me it was for Baby Alive??!?”

“uh huh.”

grrrr, oh well, it would have to do.  i untwisted the hook and pulled the hanger into a deformed “U” shape and tied the dish rag aka baby alive diaper to the ends of the hanger like a hammock.  kinda.  somehow, this was gonna haveta work.

silently, carefully, we—*I*—lowered the scoop down the air vent.  the rag touched the candy…OOoohhh it touched the candy!!  we squirmed.

at first only dad’s discarded wrappers would get into the scoop.  but then i poked one side of the hanger into the bowl to kinda coax a real piece of candy into it.

“HURRY UP, jos, im hungry, jos!”

“shut up!  i’m trying the best i can.  do you want to get caught??  and get your butt beat and never eat candy again?”

“no.”  she sighed. “but still hurry up, jos, kay?”

annoyed, i tried to be as quiet as possible, and suddenly, without warning mom yelled up the stairs, “why are you girls still awake?  dont think we cant hear you up there.  GO TO SLEEP!”

we got really scared.  sometimes mom comes up after she yells at us like that just to make sure we do what she says.  i was so frozen, and just yelled back a short, “kayyyy.”  i tried my hardest to ventriloquist-ize my voice so it sounded like i was in my bed.

“we’ll be quiet now and stop walking around!” cyb followed.  

“cyb!! SHUT UUUP!!” i hissed and tried to keep my voice from echoing down the vent.  fortunately mom must have been distracted by the tv, because she didn’t answer.

this was just taking too long.  i was really about to give up.  getting in heaps of trouble would not be worth a few pieces of candy. but instead i went ahead and tried to scoop again.  amazingly this time, everything fell into place and the candy cooperated.  3 pieces!!  come on up, beauties!! 

cyb grabbed the candy and put it aside.  “can you get one more so we can each have two?” 

“i’ll try.” 

CLICK.  someone was in the kitchen again.  it must have been mom because i never heard the lazy boy.  OHHhh my gosh, i saw the top of her head.  she was getting in the fridge—miracle whip?

we were frozen, again.  on the brink of being detected by her RADAR.  we waited.

she made her favorite—a mayonnaise sammich.  in the meantime, i was still so afraid the radar would doom us.  i mean, she was only like 4 feet away from us!!  surely she’d hear us breathing or SOMEthing!

she stopped in front of the fridge, paused and looked around.  my chest hurt so bad, i almost cried.  suddenly her eyes came into view as she looked up…

but just at the BIG ORANGE bowl.  

WHEW.  !!!

she started to reach for it and then changed her mind.  she grabbed the mayonnaise sammich from the counter and left the kitchen.  but she didnt turn off the light.

“katy, you left the light on.”

“damnit john, i just sat down.  i’ll get it next commercial.”

 KERPLUNK.  shuffleshuffle.  CLICK.  shuffleshuffle.  KERPLUNK.

“you’re such an ass.”

“hey, you dont pay the bills.”

cyb and i giggled to each other at such trivial nonsense and got back to the task at hand.

i must have mastered the scooping maneuver the first time, because i easily captured three, yes one…two…THREE *CRUNCH* THREE more pieces of candy.  and one was a baby ruth!!!

knowing mom and dad would be coming to bed soon, we knew our job was only half done.  we still needed to eat the candy AND put the vent cover back.    

we snarfed it scooby-style and i said, “we should put the wrappers back in the bowl with dad’s.  if mom finds them up here we’re dead.”

of course then cybil just tosses one nonchalantly down the vent and it floats gingerly to the floor.  i could see the snickers logo smirking back at me.  GAK!!! 

“gimme those.”  i snatched her other two wrappers and my three and stretched my arm down the vent, gently dropping them all in the BIG ORANGE bowl.

i hefted up the vent cover and the grid instantly inflicted pain as it slid into my finger creases; they were still sore from taking it out.  but i made quick work of it, and fortunately it went back in with no problems except for a few more “mouse noises.”  heh.   

“those were soooo good, jos,” cyb said licking some caramel off her finger.  we’ll have to do this again tomorrow night.”    

WE??  i didnt answer.  i didnt think i could handle that much stress again.  little did i know i’d grow up to be a non-risky kinda person, cause that would be just about the sneakiest thing i’d ever do.

we both got into our beds and fell asleep dreaming our baby ruth and snickered-up dreams.

the next afternoon, mom told us we could have some candy for dessert after lunch.  she pulled down the BIG ORANGE bowl.  sccrrrrape.  she looked in the bowl with one eyebrow up and a hand on her hip.  cyb and i looked at each other with a wave of OH CRAP.

she set the bowl on the table for us to pick.  i saw our wrappers and dad’s in there.  she watched us—was that suspicion in her eyes?  then i bravely (and bluffingly) said, “mom, where’s all my baby ruths?”

she leaned over and shook the bowl around.  “john!  no wonder you had a stomach ache last night…you’re worse than the kids!!  what am i doing to have to do, hide it from you?”

dad comes in all macho-y and surveys the damage.  “WHAT? i didnt eat all that.  how many trips did YOU make to the kitchen last night??”

cyb and i looked back and forth at them in unison.

dad strutted out of the kitchen doing his smart-butt daddy walk and mocking mom in a fake high voice, “no wonder you had a stomach ache…”  we all giggled.

mom crossed her arms.  “whatever, john.  whatever!  you’re still an ass!  josey, i’ll ask mamaw for a few more baby ruths today when i stop by there, honey.”

“and more snickers, too, mommy?”

“yes, cyb, i’ll get more snickers, too.” 

CHA-CHING.

 ************

and they never knew the truth until 20 years later. 

HAHAHAHHAAHAA!

;)

some'a the white stuff!

no, not the creme in the oreo!!! *hehe* ;)

 ...

 

SNOW!! =D=D

we got our first snow tonite!!  we're supposed to get up to 3 inches overnight.  i had to pop outside real quick and see...of course i was barefoot so i just stepped out long enough to get maizy in for a quick shot...she was excited cause she lovveesss snow!  (as you can see she is feeling a bit of the holiday cheer herself with her little bandana.  hehe!)

i love it when we have snow on thanksgiving.  it brings back memories of when i was a kid--we always had snow in indiana on turkey day!

YAYYY just what i needed to get that warm fuzzy holiday feeling.  i'm all ready for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow--are you?

talk to you soon!!

~josey~ 

such a lonely word...

billy joel is one of my fave artists.  this is one of the best songs he ever did in my book. (...altho i may say that about many of his songs. hehe.)

its been a long time since i've heard it, and well, i just wanted to share. 

so, enjoy :) 

 

Artist Site

More Videos 

his will is peace

this last year i've struggled with so many doubts...doubts about my faith and what i believe, who i really am deep down inside, and why things in my life have happened the way they have.  and even what my purpose on this earth truly is.

i suppose we all have times like this in our lives.  but out of all the people in my world, i feel like im the only one spinning, doubting, confusing, questioning and that i make a big deal out of nothing a lot of the time.  people just live and accept things the way they are.   right now, i just cant do that.  i feel like a little kid with a million questions that no one wants to answer and i'm searching fruitlessly, naively, and afraid of misunderstanding.

today i was driving around running errands and i had some pain in my side.  its the same pain i've had off and on since my endometriosis presented itself in a real, physical way a little over a year ago.

at the same time i was having the pain today, i was thinking of a person who used to be my best friend.  i've known her since i was 4.  we grew up down the road from each other, hung out in high school, were college roommates, and even married brothers.  then, she chose to end our friendship when a divorce separated me and my husband.

(for now, i'm holding back the whole story...however, please do not let my brief and detailless depiction of her departure from my life persuade you to feel ill thoughts about her.) 

at having those thoughts, suddenly i felt this heavy cloak of grief over me, and the pain in my side pulsated.  i felt my heart racing and i felt nauseous.  i kept thinking of how i miss her, and how i miss so many of the people that used to be a part of my life, but that i had to leave behind.

then something in my head clicked--remember when i told you about my appointment at the holistic wellness center a few weeks back?  one of the emotions that was attached to my particular imbalances was grief and/or loss.  i didnt mention it in that post because at the time i didnt think it applied to me.

but today, it became very clear to me how real the connection is between emotions and our physiology...i mean, very very real...

only at that moment did i realize what grief and loss i have stuffed so far down...far far away from my heart, trying to pretend that it would just dissolve over time or that it didnt even exist at all.

instead it has grown heavier, and i can literally feel it.  right now. 

before you begin to think that i am unhappy with my life--please know that's not true.  i'm blessed beyond belief, and i know everything i've gone through in my life was supposed to happen for me to experience the true joy and happiness i have today.  much of it doesnt seem fair sometimes, but underneath this nagging grief and loss is the most grateful heart. 

but i also need to let go of the past.  i have clung so tightly to the hope that maybe i'll get my best friend back.  that one day she'll call unexpectedly and we'll cry and cry and then laugh and share old times.  and somehow we'll be a part of each others' lives again.  and i could see her two daughters and love them and hug and kiss them and listen to them giggle and play.

but God is telling me, right now--as i type this--that it's time to move on.

no, God, please no...

that sometimes people are in our lives for a season, and when it is over we cannot disrupt His will...and when we do, we experience pain, loss and grief because of our lack of understanding. 

i hear you God; i am trying to obey.  but its so hard God, its so hard!!  why do i feel so lonely?  how come it has to hurt this badly?  and why would she be a part of my life for SO LONG for nothing?  i hope one day you can help me see your purpose.

i know i have been fighting giving it over to you for a very long time.  and it is clear to me right at this very moment that i never really believed you forgave me for my mistakes and i have clutched onto the hope that if we reconciled that you'd really forgive me.  i have been so lost.

please God, wipe away my tears and soothe this hole in my heart.  i am so tired of crying and hurting. 

 

letting her go is like hearing her say goodbye again. 

 

whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say

it is well, it is well with my soul.

amen. 

 

virtual thankfulness :)

i was in the middle of typing up a blog entry for today, and it involved thanking a few special people i've gotten to know a tad bit since i've moved to the big-ole-blogosphere just a little over a month ago. 

then i noticed rolando over at r playground had a new post, so i hopped over there...and by golly, he was bein all thankful, too!  *teehee*  he so generously passed on a friendship badge to several of his blogging buddies, including me!

so, this Simple Sundays post is to virtually (and sincerely) thank a few of the folks who have made me feel super welcome in the last month.  these people have taken a little extra time for me...whether its been offering me technical advice, generously commenting on my posts (which boosts the baby blogger ego! LOL), or always having something positive and thought-provoking to say on his/her blog.  each day i enjoy stopping over at your places and giving you my support (and friendship!) as well!

like rolando said when he passed on this badge, please dont feel this is another award you need to display or link back to me.  its just a symbol of my appreciation for the time youve taken to get to know me :D 

...or if we dont know each other too well yet, i am anticipating our blogging buddyship growing!  hehe :D

so with that, i would like to thankfully give this friendship badge to the following folks!

rolando, of course!  he's genuine and one-of-a-kind, and makes sure everyone feels at home and special in the big-ole-blogosphere.  not to mention he's funny, thoughtful and caring, as anyone who visits his playground will say it's easy to see!!     

val, whom i've known for over a year now...she's a member of my yahoo group.  despite being diagnosed with diabetes and breast cancer both last year, she has been a positive, inspiring and amazing woman...and she loves the Lord and isnt afraid to share it! i love ya, girl!!

amy, whose blog i absosmurfly love, because you never know what she might be thinking about day to day and it always seems to coincide with something goin on in my world.  she's as sweet as apple pie (with whipped cream of course!) and her honesty about life is so admirable and REAL.  i really feel like i identify with her! 

beenzzz, erina and jessica...all women who have different ways to express their feelings and life--beenzzz says it like it is and also lets us see through the eyes of her camera , erina through her beautiful prose, and jessica through humor and down-to-earth, witty honesty.  they all fill a special spot in my bloggy heart :)

mr. grudge and the uneasy supplicant for their amazing, passionate writing talent and being so generous as to publish their works online for us to enjoy.  they are both an inspiration to me as a closet-wannabe-writer!

i hope so, because she makes me laugh, and she's one tough minded chicky and one smart cookie!  plus the Simple Sundays is her creation =) 

intrepid--a blogger who's somewhat mysterious, but whose writing and blog ideas i thoroughly enjoy reading :D  also, with myself not being very well traveled...i'm looking forward to finding out where he's been and what he's done! 

and last, but NOT least ;)...brent, who never ceases to crack me up or send me off snickering.  *teehee*  plus, i just LOOVEE his nested commenting system.  its super cool. LOL. :D  i dont know if he likes awards, but im giving him this one anyway. neener-neener-neeeenerrrrr!

i am looking forward to getting to know all of you better!!  i am thankful for your expressions of creativity--whatever they may be.  in one way or another, they all inspire a part of me to laugh, think, appreciate life and dream!     

have a wonderful rest of your sunday!! **HUGS**

~jos~
 

it did came out

today we spent all day at the inlaws and my niece, rylie (3) and nephew, caleb (5) were there.

about an hour before their bedtime, rylie informed me it was time for her bath.  i said, "okay, do you want me or papa [grandpa] to help you?"

"YOU, annnttt JOHHHHsEEEE!"

so, off we went to get the water running.  meanwhile, rylie stripped down to her bday suit and bolted around the house squealing and excited. LOL. 

i snagged her and promptly helped her in the tub.  as soon as she sat down she gleefully shouted, "LOOOOOK annnnttt JOHHHHsEEEE!  i'm PEEEEE-INNNNG!"

:-O :-O

the yellow cloud in the water by her legs confirmed her proud exclamation. 

i said, shocked, "NOonononooo!  you're not supposed to pee in your bath water!"

she had a bewildered look in her big brown puppydog eyes, "but annnttt johhhsss, it did came out by itself!"

note to self: 

    pee-free bathtime ritual checklist:

• turn on "bath nub"
  
• kid hears water (initiates pre-bath bladder emptying)
  
• kid gets nekkid and does nekkid dance of joy and runs a few laps
• TAKE NOTE OF PEEPEE DANCE MOVES (legs squeezing together, etc...)
  
• show kid "bath nub" toys (this insures the bladder has reached its maximum capacity)
  
• kid performs pre-bath bladder emptying in the "toidet"

aunt jos is now armed and ready for the next bathtime!! ;)

i'm a loud, over-analyzing, emotional perfectionist! ;)

hey there!!  TGIF!! =D

the other day i stumbled upon a bloggy type personality test that's modeled after the original Myers-Briggs Type Indicator.  my results were suprising, because i have actually taken the true Myers-Briggs several years ago and had the same result!  usually these cheesey little online quizzywizzies aren't very accurate.  so, either this one's half way decent or i just got lucky! hehe!

if you know anything about the Myers-Briggs, you know its WAY more than a teenyboppery fun "who am i?" personality quiz.  when i took it, i learned a lot of very important things about myself and more than anything, it gave me the insight i needed to understand how other people in my life think and react in certain situations. 

so, here was my result from the quizzywizzy: 

 

You Are An ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed.  Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections.  Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. In love, you are very protective and supporting. However, you do need to "feel special" - and it's quite easy for you to get jealous. At work, you are a natural leader. You can help people discover their greatest potential.  You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist. How you see yourself: Trusting, idealistic, and expressive When other people don't get you, they see you as: Bossy, inappropriate, and loud

 

so let's chat about this a bit!  i am Extroverted (surprise! LOL)...however, the MBTI says:

Everyone spends some time extraverting and some time introverting. Don’t confuse Introversion with shyness or reclusiveness. They are not related.

i like that. i thought it was very interesting!  "introverted" seems to carry a negative connotation (and maybe that's just more with us extroverts?), and i think its essential to embrace someone's way of getting inspiration and energy.  to me, that's one of the things that makes others so intriguing!  

then, the N stands for intuition.  this one makes me giggle...only because i now realize this is the part of my personality that is the strongest in my life right now.  it is, in fact, the very thing that creates stress in my little head! LOL!  

what it means is that i focus more on reading into (or shall we say...ANALYZING...particulary, OVER-analyzing? hehe!!) information instead of sensing it for what it is.  they give these examples that i think hit is smackdab on the money:

I solve problems by leaping between different ideas and possibilities.

Sometimes I think so much about new possibilities that I never look at how to make them a reality.

obviously something i need to balance out a little better!! ;)

then, i prefer Feeling.   before i go on, the MBTI wants us to make this distinction:

Don’t confuse Feeling with emotion. Everyone has emotions about the decisions they make.

this made me feel better, because sometimes i think i am too emotional.  i think most of it comes from the simple fact that my hormones are so out of whack right now and i lose my ability to be rational when i need to be.  (men, believe this!! LOL!)

the feeling aspect really focuses on having the need for harmony and balance in relationships, and essentially having a people-pleasing personality.  this obviously can be a detriment when i refuse to...er i mean when i fail to see the real (and sometimes unpleasant) truth about a situation or another person.  

i think sometimes this aspect of my personality is a nice compliment when i am in a group of otherwise less compassionate, less nurturing indivuals.  we need all sorts to make the world go round, right? RIGHT! 

then finally Judging.  i remember when i first took the MBTI i was like NOOOO! i dont want J!  i dont judge other people! ROTFL.  obviously that's not what it means...well, cause then that would be judging others! ;) 

really what judging refers to is how i need to have some structure in my life and in the way i make decisions.  i think it goes right along with the fact that i'm a virgo *hehe*  i like to make lists, normally i dont procrastinate, and i tend to be punctual and like to make plans ahead of time, etc... 

not that i dont like spontaneity tho, cause i do!  its just that i tend to resort to judging most of the time. 

so, to sum all this up, the Myers-Briggs paraphrases the ENFJ as:

ENFJ
Warm, empathetic, responsive, and responsible. Highly attuned to the emotions, needs, and motivations of others. Find potential in everyone, want to help others fulfill their potential. May act as catalysts for individual and group growth. Loyal, responsive to praise and criticism. Sociable, facilitate others in a group, and provide inspiring leadership.

so what does the quizzywizzy say you are?  oh, come on and do it and tell me what you got. LOL. (i COULD be really mean and tag this as a meme...but i wont!!! LOL.) and what are your thoughts about it?  have you ever taken the official MBTI?

i think its fun and SUPER important to take a plunge into understanding our own AND others' personalities better.  i mean, who doesnt want to be a happier camper? :D 

have fun!!!

~josey~ 

 

scatterbrainededness

yo!

happy almost friday!! WOOT.

so wow, we're 15 days into NaBloPoMo.  i am ON FIRE. LOL!  it really hasnt been too hard for me to come up with junk to yack about.  altho i do have to admit the last few days have been a little harder, cause i've had a lot of stuff on my mind and i couldnt make up my mind what to blog about!  OHhhh the agonies of life!! ;)

like right now, im sitting here playing with my retro-plastic-rainbow slinky. *slink-clunk. slink-clunk*  listening to Orleans groovin on satellite radio.  doot doot doot, dance with meeee.  and watching my perpetually hungry cat, cadet, eye me, waiting for me to get up so he can run meeeeoorrrwwwing to the kitchen even tho he just ate. 

distractions, distractions!  

OKAY. well i'll settle on something that kinda got me ta thinkin today.  i know, you're saying "OH YAY. here she goes again, another rambling novel!"  of course you know that's always possible ;)  don't act so shocked! LOL!

today i was reading over at Beenzzz's.  her post today made me rethink (for oh...prolly the 100th time at least!) my obsession with food, nutrition, losing weight, and health.   

i am frustrated.  plateaued.  inconsistent.  not to mention too often emotional and ticked at myself. 

i have been trying SO HARD in the last year to lose 10% of my body weight.  i started at 220 last christmas, and have gotten as low as 201.  my goal was 198.  GOSHDANGIT how come i just CANT seem to get under that freakin 200 mark!!??!?!  i was doin so awesome for a while, and then all summer i fluctuated between 201 and 206ish.  what in the heck!?!?

im starting to wear down now.  let me reiterate that i am not obsessing about "being skinny."  i am 5'3", and weighing over 200lb is NOT healthy.  i have ankle issues, sometimes achy knees, i get tired of getting winded or having my gut rolls in the way or using my boobs as a shelf for my dinner plate.  SORRY for the visuals, but this is life as a BIG GIRL.  its hard some days, harder than you know. 

i NEED to lose weight because i have endometriosis.  there's more than one good reason to get rid of some of that extra fat im carrying around.  less fat = less estrogen = less endometriosis = less pain.  simple as that! (well not really, but i'll spare you the details for now.) 

im beginning to wonder if i need to switch my focus.  Beenzzz's post reminded me about how so stinkin confusing it is these days to choose a path to health and wellness. there are SO many opinions, plans and diets out there.  one minute something is good for ya, and the next it contributes to ill health.  and of course all these sources are professional and proven.  yeah, right.  can deprivation and self-denial really contribute to holistic health?  I DONT KNOW!

are they just trying to make money or are they truly healthy and legit?

is something that's right for one person right for me, too?

is it wrong to just want to go with my gut feeling? 

HOW MANY FREAKIN OPINIONS and PLANS and BOOKS and DIETS and OPTIONS do i need to find THE REAL ANSWERS??

guh, i could go on and on.  i realize i have a problem...it's my nature to keep searching and searching and reading and educating myself and reasoning and weighing this opinion against this one...and ultimately, i will never find the REAL ANSWER cause there is no real answer!  and so the cycle goes...

(LOL. man i am SO rambling.)

(((SIGH))) (turns off the radio.)

okay anyhoo.  when it all comes down to it, i honestly believe that what we eat determines how healthy we are holistically.  yes, cause when we eat well, we feel happy mentally too.  then usually we dont feel like sitting on our tuchases all day long and zoning out in front of the tv or puter.  then we usually spend more time with the people we love more often, so we're happier in our relationships...see where i'm going with this?

of course that's obviously not the ONLY path to being healthy.  there's other things to factor in as well, like spirituality and addressing special health issues (like pain in my case, so i can feel physically able to do the things i need to do). 

why do i want so badly to be more healthy?  because i still want to try and have children, without using artificial means.  because i want to have a great quality life and do a lot of things i have planned for myself.  because i dont want to die like i've seen many of my family members suffer and die.  because i want to make all of my husband's dreams come true.  because i am so TICKED at the world for screwing up our food, our land, our air, and every thing else...

...and i know i am still wearing that long, red cape when it comes to these issues...and that hopeful, positive, i-want-it-oh-so-badly, innocent kid part of me thinks that i can somehow figure out a way to beat it all.

AAARRRGHHHHHH!!!  i think i need help.  professional help! LOL!!! ;)  is this your area of expertise, i dont know? LOLOL!

...so what's my point here?

i dont know. (no, not the girl, but really, i dont know. hehe!!)  LOL.  hey, this is just scatterbraindedness.  but its stuff i think about a lot, and its all so interconnected that sometimes i just have a hard time separating it all out into logical conversations.     

im gonna go make some kombucha.

~jos~   

 

vote for trixie!!

hey! :D

well, after posting the goofy cat pix yesterday, i got "scouted out" by Catster (or a Catster fan, i'm not sure!) to enter it in their The 3rd Annual World’s Coolest Dog & Cat Show!

obviously, i have gigabytes full of pix of my furry critters, some definitely funnier than this one, but i decided--what the hay?! might as well--today is the last day to enter!

for the contest, tho, i had to come up with a caption, so if you're curious you can either vote or check out yesterday's blog commentary :)

and, even tho the pix has 3 of my cats, i could only choose one as the contest entrant, so i chose trixie...cause she's the mouser of the family...and she's the one who originally cornered the mouse in the sink. HEHE!! 

meowmeow!  thanks for your votes!! 

 

tuesday tails

i LOOOOOVVVVVE making up funny captions for pictures. (did i mention that i LOVVVE it?)

i am well-known in my family for making greeting cards on special occasions, with the recipient's or another fam member's mug (usually photo shopped LOL) being on the front and the butt of a funny caption or joke *giggle* 

plus, all our pets have dogster or catster pages and its just a hoot to think up stuff for all their photos!  you know pets...they've got their own lil personalities. =D

soooooo...i'm gonna be brave and try somethin fun, and i hope you will jump right in! :D

every tuesday, i'm gonna post a pix of one or more of my furry children...and you are invited to caption the pix!

yes, i realize you will be tempted to snag ideas from I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? or to hijack my precious babies' pix and post them there...but i am subscribed...so i'll know if you do. LOL!! ;) 

all i ask is that you keep the captions G rated if you will :)  if you must use profanity, $#%! it out! 

if it works out well after a couple weeks, i may even get all fancyschmancy and make a cute lil logo for tuesday tails.  or maybe even make it into a contest.  who knows!  (any ideas...feel free to shoot 'em over to me!) 

so without further delay...:D

here's a recent shot of my cats cadet, snax and trixie.  LOL!!!  (YES, i disinfected the sink!!! geez...lol...)

feel free visit the cats' pages if you need some inspiration ;) 

 

 

 

hubby tag!

my buddy amy over at you're a fly - and you're sitting on my wall tagged me on this meme!  and im SO EXCITED to announce that this is my FIRST meme tag EVER!!  YAY!!  and who better for it to be about than my superdooperawesome hubster *hehe*  :D

1. What is his name? babe, fuzzyface, hon, oh...and sometimes ken. hehe :)

2. How old is he? 38

3. Who eats more? hmmm probably me. but i'm workin on that!! :D 

4. Who is taller? he is, but we're the same height when i stand wayyyy up on my tippytoes. hehe! 

5. Who sings better? well, im the vocalist of the family...however, i think he's holding back ;)

6. Who is smarter? definitely him!  he's got a great male/analytical/mathematical/ computergeekified brain!  me, im just smarter when it comes to more less analytical stuff, and dealings with people and emotions.

7. Whose temper is worse? probably mine, however neither one of us are arguers.  i am just more outspoken.

8. Who does the laundry? me :)

9. Who does the dishes? our dishwasher. LOL.  actually, he does do more dishes by hand than i do, and he helps with loading and unloading the dishwasher, too!

10. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? depends on who gets to the bed first. LOL!  we don't "own" one side of the bed or the other.

11. Who pays the bills? he does most of it.  i pay a few odds and ends ones here and there.

12. Who mows the lawn? sadly, this year we paid someone to mow it (we have about 3 acres)...because i burnt our mower to the ground last fall! LOL!

13. Who cooks dinner? moi, of course!

14. Who drives when you are together? usually he does if we're just traveling closeby.  but if we're on a road trip, we switch back and forth.

15. Who is more stubborn? definitely 50/50.  he may not agree, but he is just more sly in his stubbornness! ;)

16. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? definitely me...but...he is getting better *bats eyelashes* LOL.

17. Whose parents do you see the most? his, because they are only 45 minutes away and mine are 5 hours away.

18. Who kissed who first?  hmmmm...im sure i initiated it, but he was just being a gentleman :D  i suppose im a bit assertive tho, so he had no choice. haha!

19. Who asked who out? it was really a joint plan that we'd have a date.  we were dating long distance so we met half way.

20. Who proposed? he did, of course!!

21. Who is more sensitive? me, definitely.  he is mr calm-cool-and collected.  seriously! 

22. Who has more friends? i have more friends with whom i keep in touch.

23. Who wears the pants in the family? we are a great team--but he makes the ultimate decisions!

as far as who to pass this meme to...wow, its a tough one!  i think most of the women whose blogs i read arent married! hehe!  and i dont really know who reads my blog on a super regular basis...so, let me think...

i know!  how about Beenzzz over at S T E A L T H Y B E A N!  i enjoy her perspective on life, giggling at her cat's "posts," and hearing about the adventures of her hubby and daughter...and her photography as well.  hmmm...hopefully memes impress her, and don't bug her...*teehee* (see the intro on her page!)  TAG, YOU'RE IT!

thanks again, amy!

laughter in the rain

 

 

i LOVE this song!  (yep more music!  ...Neil Sedaka, song from 1974.  not sure what year this vid clip is from!)

it's to celebrate the moments i'm spending this fall with my honey...outside, in all sorts of weather, and no matter what...he makes me laugh.  he makes me happy!!

you're the best, fuzzyface! MWAH! XOXOX

(he's gonna scold me for that one. LOL.)

oh, and i know this is a SUPERCHEESEY performance, but hey...im a child of the 70's and i happen to like the butterfly collars and feathered hair.  err not that my hair is still like that!  haha! ;)

enjoy the rest of your sunday!  thanks for the great idea, i hope so!

~josey~

soothing saturday

heya folks :)

*sigh*deepbreath*  whew!  it feels good to INHALE AND EXHALE!!

this week has been a brain-crunching, tear-flowing, spirit-draining kinda week!!!  i have just been sooo deep in thought and struggling with so many issues--some being my own, others not.

today i am taking time to soothe my spirit.  i'm not going to sit around all day trying to decide what keyboard-burning issue to blog about...or even spend time thinking about that stuff for ANY reason!  usually to relax i do a lot of pampering things for myself--but today, i am GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE!  yaybers :)

we are going to visit my SIL and her hubby and kids about 2 hours away in IL.  we're just going for the day, but it'll be awesome.  they have a brand new home, and its fun to share that excitement with them!

we'll also play games, act goofy and do stuff with the kids--usually reading or playing with some sort of toy (ages 3 and 5).  my niece (the 3 yr old) just had her bday a couple months ago. we got her this super cute stuffed pig hand puppet--she LOVED it!!!  it was big; her hand and a little of her arm fit inside it, and its round, soft fuzzy body was irresistibly huggable.  she kept affectionately calling it her "spider pig."  i think maybe she must have seen the charlotte's web movie!  i'm sure she will have it with her today since we havent seen her since the bday. 

my nephew just started kindergarten this fall.  it will be a blast to see how he's "matured" in just a few short months. hehe!  i cant decide if he'll be one of those kids that LOVES school or hates it already. i guess we'll find out ;)

plus, we'll take maizy and the kids have a blast running from her cause she loves to chase!  (uh oh, more running in the house...;D )

soooo...i ate a healthy breakfast and i have a super yummy lunch lined up (salad and pasta!).  we'll be having pizza at the SIL's, but i think they are making it themselves so that helps :D  i wont overdo it--it's been a BAD food week and i am wayyyy paying for it!

so anyhoo, off i go!  talk to ya'll tomorry :D

toodles!

~jos~

purpose.

 

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I’m strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We’ll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

If I’m laden at all
I’m laden with sadness
That everyone’s heart
Isn’t filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It’s a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we’re on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn’t weigh me down at all
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother

He’s my brother
He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother…

The Hollies, 1969.

retiring the long, red cape...

november 8th, 2007.

dear diary,

well, my delusional thoughts of being able to save the world came to an end today.

okay, well not that i thought i could *REALLY* save the WHOLE world.  just a few people in it. maybe.

i love A, and she is struggling.  A is missing things in her life that she always thought would be…but have never been.  things she may have dreamed of pursuing, and just well, plain doin whatever she wants at her own will…being the life of the party, lifted up on a pedestal by a lover, a friend.  maybe even breaking out of the mold of a small town. 

she had to take on a lot of responsiblity much earlier than she was ready for, and therefore the path of her life’s circumstances have changed.  she feels as tho she’s missed out.

i dont think she’d turn back the clock now if she could, though.  she has intelligent, sweet children.  a loving, providing husband.  well at least that’s what i think.  but i’m on the outside.  i’m wondering—does she see any good in them anymore?

A has alienated her family.  she doesnt realize the implications, because in her “world” she gets all the attention she “needs.”   

and her family is wondering how their love, attention, and devotion could ever come in 3rd, 4th, 5th…or lost somewhere at the back of the pack…but no matter what, they still want to be there for her.

NO MATTER WHAT.

i want to tell A how it is.  i want to lay it all out and scold her and tell her every time she chooses her “world” as her priority, she is sending messages to some people that they don’t matter.  important people.  “little” people…and “big” people.  i dont think she sees that, because her words say she cares.  her words say she’s “fine.” 

we all know that actions speak louder than words.

she needs a creative outlet, and that’s wonderful.  she’s talented.  amazingly!  but where does the line get drawn?  where should the priorities lie?  i think she knows.  but she’s lonely for herself.  she’s trying to find it where it’s not.  well, at least not the biggest and best part of it… 

because of her choices, trust and feelings have been damaged.  why does she need to cloak herself with this?  do those who love her not give her what she needs?  unfortunately its a vicious circle, because she has built a wall around her heart.  no one can get in.  at least not those who love her the most. 

she wont let me in, and i dont know why.  i’ve known her for 28 years.  i’m more like her than she will EVER know.

i want to ask her why she doesnt take care of herself and step up to the plate and be strong for the people who need her.  i want to smack her and yell at her and tell her she’s ruining her life, wasting it away, and to stop being a martyr for no one…

…and yet i want to just scoop A up in my arms and tell her its okay.  love her and comfort her and even give her chicken soup for her soul.  and tell her its okay to be sad that life hasnt panned out the way she think she deserves.  that its okay to feel a little twinge of bitterness sometimes.  we’re human.

i want to show her that things can get better.  there’s more than one way.  i want her to love herself.  breathe the fresh air and make her family laugh (cause she’s good at it!).  eat nutritious food and share it with her family.  move her body—celebrate being able to.  i can only hope she truly wants these things for herself. 

even one little spark somewhere deep down inside her is all it takes.  geez, where are my matches…

i want to encourage her to search her soul.  to think about what she has, and how lucky she is, even if some of the people in her life are plenty less than perfect.  because some of those people want to change, and be better for her.  and they are trying—but she keeps beating them down.  especially one of them.  they just need her help, love and to let them know they are loved by her.  her actions need to be deliberate.

she needs to make a choice.

when she’s ready.

and im so afraid when she’s ready it will be too late.  

to find true joy in all circumstances, we have to be thankful.  i have learned this personally, and its the hardest thing to do.   SO hard, because joy is not a feeling, its a state of mind.  its always there in the background. NO MATTER WHAT.

we have to remember that even though “ME” is important, giving of ourselves to those who love and care about us make life worthwhile in the long run, and can even make up for those dreams of ours that havent—and may never—come true. 

A has a lot of people that count on her.  i dont think she realizes how important she is in others’ lives, and since she’s been “gone” several people are feeling the loss.  a lot of relationships have been damaged for one reason or another because of her absence.

but her being “gone” is just easier than facing the truth and getting to the heart of her unhappiness.  even if it means losing those closest to her?? 

but she has to decide for herself that things need to change.  no one can do it for her. [insert super-hero syndrome here.] (i want to fix it!!!  SO BAD.  i know, i know. i cant.) 

God, where are you in this?   when she hits rock bottom, will you soften the fall?   

even if she needs to hit hard, i cant help but want to protect her, even if that’s just the way it has to be. 

my delusional thoughts

of being able to save the world

came to an end today.

i grew up a little bit,

and it hurt.