dissatisfied with the satisfied

happy weekend :)

how ya’ll doin?  im sittin here listening to tons of sappy music…crystal gayle, air supply, the carpenters, barry manilow…hehe :D  no, im not lovesick or anything like that *giggle*  i just love easy listenin stuff.  it just mellows me out, especially when im feeling a tad bit high-strung over health issues and all that junk.  plus hubby likes it, and i like to see him enjoying the music too :) (what wife doesnt LOVE seeing her hubby mouthing the words to barry??? LOL!) 

so meanwhile, i’ve been workin on adding more blog archives…whew, its a long process adding them manually!  i never really tagged my old posts, so im reading thru them, tagging them, and adding new categories as i go along.  funstuff! 

im also attempting to break up my page-long-long-winded paragraphs ;)  obviously it doesnt shorten your reading time, but hopefully it helps make things look not-so-daunting!  hehe ;)  now i just hope someone actually reads them! LOL!  i assume the category tagging helps people find what they’re interested in.  :D

soooo after my goofy post last night, in addition to re-reading so much of my archives, it got me to thinkin why i honestly have this blog.  i know i’ve somewhat discussed it recently, but i was decently overwhelmed and my typical over-analytic self ;)  *teehee* 

i thought it might be a good idea to let anyone who’s new to my blog in on some of the main issues i’m dealing with, so you know where im comin from during my ramblings!

earlier this year via diagnostic laparoscopy, i found out i have endometriosis.  most women have at least heard of it, and many men haven’t, since it’s 99.9% a woman’s disease (yes, strangely enough, endometriosis has been found in a few men!).  for several months before my diagnosis and since, ive experienced tremendous amounts of physical pain, along with my fair share of mental anguish. 

i’ve always been pegged as the bubbly, happy, positive funny girl…but since the endometriosis has presented itself in a more dramatic fashion, namely through completely whacked-out hormones and a lot of frustrating pain (to only name a few…), i’ve been miss-super-sensitive-i-cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat, woken up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, and have generally questioned my mental state and happiness. 

i’ve also been spotted spacing out, completely procrastinating (which is NOT my virgo nature), asking God why i am even here if i cant have kids, and repeatedly soaking the chest of my hubby’s tshirts with oodles of tears after i’ve consumed massive amounts of chocolate and ice cream.

i know, many of you might say, well isnt that the typical life of a woman?  maybe somewhat ;)  but having endometriosis has caused me to become passionate about HEALING IT.  the mood swings, the pain, the constant wondering about my identity and purpose in a way that’s extremely dramatic isn’t normal or healthy. 

from what ive heard and read, women who take the conventional western medicine route feel even worse, gain weight, and mainly feel like they are going insane. literally!  the treatment usually involves 3-6 months of Lupron injections, which mimics menopause by dramatically lowering estrogen (this slows down endometrial growth).  several weeks after the injections stop, they feel better for a few to many months until its time to start the Lupron again because the endo begins growing again.

there’s a lot more to it, and i have a whole section of my blogsite set aside (still in the works!) to explain all of this from my point of view.  :)

now i donno about you, but this “treatment” doesnt sound too pleasant to me.  im about HEALING, not band-aiding the illness.  so without getting too technical, i’ll just say that i have chosen to forgo any conventional treatments and find out why i even have endometriosis in the first place and treat those health issues instead. 

its a highly debated topic—the cause of endometriosis—but more and more theories are coming to light with good, solid research to support them.  personally, i feel its layers and layers of other health issues that compound and feed off each other…and those are all related to our industrialized world.

pesticides. xenoestrogens. pollution. preservatives. additives. synthetics. trans fats. eating processed foods. overloaded stressful lives. general lack of self-care. absence of spirituality.  to me, it just makes sense that not just endometriosis, but nearly all our modern-day diseases—physical AND mental—stem from some, all, or a combination of these things, and obviously tons of other things not listed.  how could this not be true?

its really stressful to even delve into the sadness of what our marvelously technological society is doing to reduce our life span.  we are so intelligent, so resourceful—which in turn enables us to artificially prolong our miserable, diseased lives with prescriptions and other means. 

if we are really so intuitive, why dont we do more to get to the real causes of disease?  why is it considered weird or witch doctory or hippy or unconventional to want to do this in a natural way? 

are greed and impatience truly our nature in healthcare?  how can we be satisfied with this and not act on it??

whew okay, i better stop before i end up with another hour-long post. *hehe* ;)

but anyhoo, this is where i am in my life.  these are the issues im questioning because of my health, my goals, my beliefs and my needs.

i chronicle these days in hopes of finding others who have similar views, in hopes of encouraging, inspiring, provoking thought…and lastly, as an outlet for my victories and dark times as i struggle and smile through this soul-growing period of my life.

~jos~