hey all,
i just had to share this with you. something i dont really blog about (but i may moreso in the future) is my faith, my belief in God, and my personal relationship with Him (or lack thereof at this point in my life).
but this morning a song came to my mind that i hadn't heard in a very long time...since probably college, a time when i was constantly surrounded by the love of my Christian friends and like a child, i let God come into my life with no strings attached and it was a very happy time in my life!
not that i'm not happy now, but in the last several years i've struggled with doubts and with all my moving, i've not belonged to a church community for quite some time. also so many things have happened in my life in the last 5 years--divorce & remarriage being the 2 biggest--and they have affected me pretty deeply in manymany ways.
but it feels like something's missing inside me. i've found myself pretty cold-hearted and reverting back to my old "i can sustain myself" attitude. but really, i know i just need someone, something to "melt my will," to crack that wall of ice that's built up around my heart.
i tell my hubby sometimes i'm afraid to go to church because i know something will touch me and i'll break down and cry--right there! LOL! now what a lame reason for avoiding church. now, mind you, i dont think going to church is the end-all-be-all of being a Christian and getting to heaven. but in the right context, its a beautiful addition to our worship of God and a chance to meet and spend time with people of the same beliefs. i also know i need some sort of accountability and support and belonging to a church family will help me right along.
anyhoo, im sitting here bawling, listening to this song and feeling horrible guilty and full of shame, knowing i need this change in my life, and know that God is waiting with His arms wide open...why would i turn away?
this is the song i remembered. the words are below and you can listen to it here. its the album called Mercy in the Maze. just click the audio icon next to the song.
There Are No Songs by Michael Kelly Blanchard
There are no songs till Springtime comes.
No melodies for voice.
There are no tunes till death has stung
That Easter might rejoice.
There are no words to bring you back,
From your frozen winter's will.
There is no hope the ice will crack,
Till Jesus melts the chill.
For some you say. Perhaps, many ...yes.
But surely not for me.
For I have run from the very best,
How can there mercy be?
Come home, come home my ramblin' child.
Let down your ragged sail.
And steer your heart to the oceans wild,
Where the breath of God prevails.
It's not too late to turn around,
And catch the tender breeze.
That blows you to the holy ground,
You find beneath your knees.
For when has soul, been bound to time,
Or heart too cold to melt.
Or forgiveness too lost to find,
When regret is truly felt.
There's mercy, mercy my little ones.
Mercy without bounds.
For all who turn and simply come
And lay their burden down.
For there's nothing that you've ever done,
That My love can not change.
Unless you choose to finally run,
Away with pride and pain.
(Reprise)
There are no words to bring you back,
From your frozen winter's chill.
There is no hope the ice will crack,
Till Jesus melts your will.
...thank you God, for your gift of music...for it's the one thing that truly seeps into the depths of my soul and makes me realize how much i really do need you in my life again. ~josey~
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