good morning! :D
since my last post, life's been just a little better...and it's only been a week! it's amazing what a little focus on the RIGHT things every single day can do for one's mood, spirit, and soul. let me back up a little.
in the last several months my anxiety levels have flown thru the roof (heart palpitations, elevated blood pressure, panic attacks, digestive distress, muscular pain...to name a few...)! finding out last fall that i had a cyst in my ovary, which was originally diagnosed as hemorrhagic and would go away, really set me to worrying about my health and weight.
(okay, strike #1, 2 AND 3--worrying takes away from solving the problem!!)
then a few months later i was still having pain, worse in fact, and as of last week the cyst is still there and has grown since last fall. well to make a long story short, there's a possibility i have endometriosis. next week im having a diagnostic laparoscopy and they will be removing the cyst and looking for other spots of endo and will remove those, also.
well...in the midst of all the physical pain ive had and all the anxiety and worrying that there's something MORE wrong with me, i've had a chance to reevaluate what is lacking in my life that has caused me to spiral out of control with worry.
of course that lack is in the area of my faith and trust in God. we all worry--its part of being human. but i've never felt so hopeless and afraid as i have lately.
and ya know, it started with freakin out about my health, but when you truly have no other source in which to "lay your burdens down," that anxiety starts to spill into nearly every area of your life and you start worrying about EVERYthing! its crazy. i have been so illogical and think up all sorts of "what if" scenarios in my mind that have totally stressed me out.
i guess if you wanna miss out on all the GOOD things in life, that's the way to go, eh? LOL!
so, when i came to this realization last week when i heard that song, i knew i needed to take some action to get things balanced in my life again. so, as part of some missions we are doing in my Yahoo group, this week i chose to focus on not letting "worry" hold me back. yep, im a nerd and i need to at least start out by going about this in an organized manner *LOL*
first, ive started reading my Bible each morning. that's where i got the subject line for the post--ive been reading in Ecclesiastes and doing a study on it. you may know the late 60s song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" by the Byrds and that its words were adapted from a chapter in Ecclesiastes.
and without going into tons of detail, i really have been able to identify with the writer of this book, because his outlook on life (at one point in time) is that everything we do on this earth is meaningless--the wise as well as the foolish all face death in the end. so what's the point?
well, its reminding me that there's a time for everything in our lives, and how we choose to embrace each season makes us who we are and who we will be. God is there for us to put meaning into everything we do and every trial we face. if i cant handle something as minor as this in my life (for i know it could be a lot worse!!), how will i deal with tougher situations in the future?
we all want to look back on the book our lives one day and know that we grew from things that could have been huge stumbling blocks...to know that we have become wiser, more compassionate, and understanding through our adversities--not bitter, depressed, and lost.
of course we may not always choose the positive, but its knowing that we could have and perservering while moving forward is what matters! and most importantly of all, that we have pleased God in our choices and that He has been the center of our strength.
in addition to the Bible reading, i have been practicing some relaxing breathing exercises, exercising a LITTLE bit every day, getting outside more, and TRYING to fill my body with nutritious food (note the words "little" and "trying." LOLOL ). i truly believe it is all adding up because my back pain is GONE, my blood pressure was normal at my dr appt yesterday, and i just feel much more positive all around. WOOHOO!!!
so ya know, i really feel like this cyst, possibly endometriosis, is really all a blessing in disguise.
yes, there's a chance i may lose that ovary. yes, there's a chance i wont even be able to have children. heck there's even a small chance its not endo and the surgery will cure it once and for all. of course there's always the possibility that its worse than id prefer, but worrying about that is futile. i'll deal with that IF it arises at all.
i truly feel i have been blessed because now i know what i have been missing in my life, and what could have been something that squelched my spirit can now be a time in my life where i will feel peace and joy by letting God be in charge.
thanks for listening to all my rambling (:
take care and enjoy the day!!!
~josey~
okay, i need some professional sleuth intervention here!!
i just had to share this HILARIOUS pix of my cat, cadet (affectionately usually called deet, doots, or deeterman LOL!) (dont ask where we get those...i donno...poor animals have so many nicknames, you know how it is!). hubby and i were eating dinner the other nite and cadet was our audience--apparently quite comfy, too! check out his knees! LOL!!! he looks like a furry lump onna log or something. he has this huge pouch on his gut cause he used to be really chunky, and i sometimes call him "the world's first marsupial cat." hahah!! anyhoo, i ran to get the camera, thinking for sure he'd run after me (he wanted my food), but he stayed there...totally chillin :D if you have a good caption for this, send it to me! HEHEH!