heyhey!
i’m onna roll =D
OHYEAH.
i just had to tell ya!
if you havent visited my health journal lately, hop over there to see what i’ve been upta! i’ll probably be posting mostly over there for the next 10 days or so :) (click HERE to see why!)
in the meantime, i hope you’re having a simply maahhhvelous spring. here’s our forecast for tomorrow!
MUCH better than THIS just a little over a month ago!
ttfn!
~jos~
march 25th, 2008.
dear diary,
i know i can tell you anything, even if i sound like an inarticulate baby. so hear me out, okay?
my heart hurts. it hurts for one of the most special people in my life.
i’m angry. i’m empathetic. i’m offended. i’m guilty.
because i’m tired of being tossed to the side.
because i’ve been there before…but i’ve never gotten the chance to tell her in a loving way.
because i can’t believe she is doing what she is with no outward remorse.
because i’ve not been an active part of her life and been there when she’s needed it most and i haven’t asked God enough for his hand in her life.
the unfortunate part is that i’m not the only one. in fact, there are more important people and feelings at stake.
when will this selfish fiasco stop?? when will the livid, angry begging of those around you be unveiled as the pleas for your love and attention that they are?? the fighting, the yelling, the namecalling, the suspicions, the misbehaving…they are all pleas…cant you see?
no one wants to hurt her. but no one knows how to tell her it’s okay to come back. is she avoiding confronting her true unhappiness? no one knows. maybe she doesnt even know.
are you lonely? you know i’m here. and i’m sorry, i’m so sorry i’ve let my own resentment get in the way of calling you. it just hurts that your attention is always divided. you know what i’m talking about. i don’t think i ask for too much. do you realize i’m not the only one who feels this way? WHY do your own needs always come before everyone else’s? yes, they do. why do you scold me and say i make you feel badly? maybe you should…
oh diary, i feel like such a selfish jerk! but i dont know what to do anymore. i’m tired of feeling angry and hurt. i’ve been stuffing this down for a long, long time. i want to tell her how i feel but i’m so afraid of losing her…
my intention isnt to hurt her, but to HELP her. i want to help her heal. i want be a catalyst to help her get her life back.
but i know this isnt really about me. its about her. i want her to be HAPPY and i dont care WHAT she says, she’s not. everything in her life screams, “I’M MISERABLE!!!” her health, her attitude, her home, her children, spouse…
so what do i do? sit back and enable her? let her rot her life and relationships away? i want to go to her with my arms open wide and offer her my love, but she wont have it.
we miss you. even tho you are here, you are not. please, think about what you are doing. and dont laugh it off. and dont get mad and defensive. your guilt trips won’t work on me—i know you too well. cant you just not be a martyr for once? no one is blaming or condemning you. we all have hard times. we all need time to find our souls. it’s okay, it really is. but you’re looking in the wrong place! listen to me, just cry on my shoulder, and you can start working through it all…it’s gonna be alright…
DAMN life sucks.
heartaches hurt.
we’ll get through this. she’ll let down her ragged sail, won’t she?
here ya go…for all you chickens you were afraid to post your answers! ;) heehaha…and the few brave ones who did! who, btw, were speedcat, friendinme, and kelly!
(click on the thumbnail for a closer look.)
(click here for the original post and here for clues.)
1.
maizy’s nose :) congrats to friendinme who guessed it—right on the nose. hehe!
2.
luna moth marking (left wing)
3.
cake icing (actually this was our wedding cake topper! and yes, it WAS good a year later! hehe.)
4.
toilet seat edge (and trixie!) congrats to kelly who correctly identified this one! too many close looks, kel? LOL!
thanks to all those who came by to visit and participate :D i’ll be willing to do this once a week or a few times a month if the interest is expressed!
thanks again, kelly, for the fun tag!!
ttfn :)
~jos~
hey there!
thanks to steve (aka friendinme), i found out the zoomed-in picture puzzles are called eyeball benders :) thanks, steve!!!
now folks, i KNOW you’ve all checked them out. i DO stalk my stats once inna while ;) and this post has gotten buku hits!
so…if you are being shy or you just cant figure these out…i’ll give you some clues :) and now you have to be nice, and HUMOR ME, and post your guesses. k? KAY!
and if you’ve guessed already and want to change your answers, feel free. ;)
of course there’s never any pressure with the tag. obviously its fun when others carry it on, but i’m just here to have fun so no worries!
okay, so here’s your clues from yesterday’s post, look closely… :
#1 - is many times cold and wet.
#2 - used to be blobby and green.
#3 - protected from curious fingers by a glass dome.
#4 - you won’t want to eat off this!
and hmm…maybe if these are still too hard, i should consider contributing my material to Games Magazine…hahhaa…;)
i’ll be back sunday nite to reveal the full photos! in the meantime, have some fun and play along—let’s have some audience participation!! id have fun doing this every week :) (and of course, i *could* make it easier. hehe.)
~josey~
hi!
last week my good friend kelly tagged me with a creative meme! now dont get me wrong, i’m a creative person. but really i’m mostly creative in my dorky/goofy attitude than anything tangibly artsy. hehe. and i know creativity doesnt have to be conformed to art, but in my mushy brain lately i couldnt think of much else that i could capture in a cool way on my blog :)
ANYHOOOOoo…
here’s the meme rules:
so, here’s my challenge…have you ever seen Games Magazine? welp, when i was younger my mom allllwaaayyys had a Games mag lyin around. for a while i was too young to do a lot of the mindbenders in it, but there was always this one that was super fun—im not sure if it even had a name, but it was pictures of normal everyday items, but zoomed in and blown up. ya know what im talkin about? :)
i decided i’d give it a try! these are things around our house, and the photos were taken at all different times of the year. take your guesses and post them in the comments. i’ll give you til the end of the weekend to figure them out! hehe!
and i tag the first 6 people who comment and have a blog! (so dont be shy! hehe) (oh and except kelly, of course!)
~josey~
ADDENDUM: okay im changing my mind. i have a feeling that way of tagging will deter people from commenting HAHA. ;) so…i tag the first 6 people who say in their comment they want to do the meme :) how’s that? LOL!
happy monday :)
and st. patty’s day!
welp, lately on my health journal i’ve been yappin about how i’m tryin to reach a certain weight loss goal. (specifically, the ever-8freakinmonth-elusive 200lb mark!) i have a lot of “reasons” (excuses?) why i havent fulfilled that goal and mainly they are health-related obstacles.
but really, is that what has slowed me down the most?
probably not. (i hate being honest with myself. dangit!)
for some reason, the more i fail to succeed the more i blame it on something “out of my control.” but honestly, how out of my control is healing my endometriosis/reducing pain and balancing my hormones? hmm. how out of my control is dealing with my foot/ankle issues so im not in pain all the time? isnt that what my journey to better health is all about—taking control of those obstacles?
i also keep telling myself i need to be more kind and gentle to my psyche and stop beating myself up when i fall short because it ends up starting a vicious cycle. and while that IS true, i also need to be brutally honest and ask myself—have i REALLY tried as hard as i could? have i given it my all? or have i put forth just a few weeks of consistency and then let the proverbial “cut off” time for my motivation take hold just so i can be lazy again?
i’m thinking the latter. :\ 
sparkpeople postlast week i read this post (left) on sparkpeople. while it’s not a fancyschmancy speech, it cuts thru the crap and excuses. it’s something i needed to hear at this juncture and i thought i’d share! i decided to give you a screenshot of the post so that way if you decide you want to be part of sparkpeople, you can connect with the author if you’d like :)
so wow, what did you think? definitely some points that made smoke come out my ears. LOL. at one time or another, every single one of these excuses is ME, whining. haha. (in addition to who knows how many more…)
i dont think i even need to expand on her explanations. i’m getting to the point where it’s simply cut and dry—either do it, or dont! get healthier, or dont! PERIOD. i’m tired of swimming in excuses!
even if losing weight or improving your health isnt high on your priority list, what is? and what excuses do you keep using that’re holding you back because it’s more comfortable there? think…spiritual time, family time, time spent doing something helping others…
i hope this gave you something to chew on, too!
AND…what are you going to do about it?
~josey~
hey all!
this week hubby and i took an old buddy of his (mark) and his good friend (elena) out to dinner. they are both unemployed and homeless…
…because they quit their jobs to travel together the rest of the year!
tomorrow they are leaving the country and will be staying in barcelona, spain for a few days, then taking a train to montpelier, france, where they will take residence for the next three months. they dont really have a formal itinerary—so it will be a true adventure!
after three months, currently the plan is for mark to travel in africa. (everyone—especially his family—is trying to convince him otherwise. LOL.) elena plans to travel europe—including biking in the swiss alps (i think? SOME mountains! hehe) and visiting her family in romania.
then around christmastime, they’ll meet back up here in WI and start to integrate themselves back into normal society. hehe.
it was a blast hearing how they’ve prepared for the trip and what their expectations are. but out of all the things they told us, i think what i was most surprised about is that in france, a bottle of wine is cheaper to buy than a bottle of water! hahaha!! ;)
they’ve both started their own travel blogs and i encourage you to stop by! elena’s adventures captures the travel experience from the vantage point of someone who just takes it all in. and mark’s 2008 travels chronicles all the important—and sometimes funny—little details and nuances of taking such a big plunge in life!
quitting my job and leaving everything behind for nearly a year would be something i’m not sure i’d ever do. but i’ll live vicariously thru them. ;) hehe. for now at least…i guess ya just never know!
i think they are very fortunate (and brave. or crazy? hehe!) to be able to do this! i wish them the safest travels and adventures they will treasure for a lifetime.
au revoir, mark and elena! have a great time!!
~josey~
poor drowsey monkey. she’s got the funky (cabin) fevah up in ole canada (KEN-uhduh! LOL…).
(hmmm, wonder if witchypoo, JD, and robert all up in KEN-uhduh got the fevah, too? teehee.)
anyhoo, she’s even scarin her cats blastin and jammin her funkified grooves…tryin to get outta her funk!! but really, who wants to get outta the 70s FUNK?? hehe ;)
so, in celebration of her fevah and IMHO, her awesome musical tastes ;), AND because of the fact that i, too, am afflicted with with some MAJOR winter blues here in WI…here’s my fave song by Earth, Wind and Fire from 1978!!
(you may need to pause the vid and let it load. it took a while for me!)
this is a totally freakadelic vid!
and please, dont bother to tell me about my taste in music. ;) (but i bet you want to get up and dance, hey?? LOL!!)
awww yeah, way to beat the funky (cabin) fevah!!!
LOL!
hope you all have a whirl of a wednesday!!!
~jos~
today i am especially thankful for a few of my friends :)
kelly, i am so glad we’re back in touch after 15 long years. i love yacking for hours on the phone and laughing about stupid things we’ve done. ;) (or NOT done. hahaha…) i’m so happy you’re online, too—its fun IM’ing or reading your new blog!! we are so much alike even tho we’ve both changed a lot since high school. you talk sense into me and cheer me up when i need it most. you honestly dont know how grateful i am for that!! (so i’m telling you now!!) you’re talented, loving and silly!! and i love ya, girl!!
amy, tho we’ve not met in person, i hope you know i appreciate you greatly! your almost daily encouragement in my weight loss journey (and the myriad of other subjects that come up!) has been just what i need. you know we’re desperate when we start betting paypal $$ to motivate us. LOL! i truly look forward to that familiar email: RE: Daily Check in. hehe! on top of that, you’re a good mom and a compassionate person and it shows—even online. i’m so blessed to know you!
i am so fortunate to have people who genuinely care about me. and i want the whole blogosphere to know how special these two women are! and that’s just in my life. i know they touch others as well!!
happy simple sunday :)
~josey~
hello friends :)
welp, once again, lately i’m finding myself deep in thought about who i really wanna be and what i truly want out of my life. hmmm you’d think by your early 30’s one might have or should have already figured that out! ;) (or, maybe not…)
as much as i try to promote a moderate take on most things in my world, in reality i end up making situations either very simplistic and to the point, or quite complicated and convoluted (as you consistently witness if you read my blog. LOL.).
the simplistic side is my innate nature; the complicated side has been born from all the struggles i’ve gone through and i’ve somehow come to be this perfectionistic freak that has to dissect EVERYthing, make assumptions about emotions and theorize how things got from path A to path B.
i waste a lot of time stewing about why something happened, what i can do to change it and makes sure it’s better next time. notice i said waste. is stewing and delving a contructive use of my energy and time? most times i think not. especially now that it’s becoming clearer to me that im missing out on a lot of life’s joys by trying to be some omniscient problem solver.
am i making sense so far? ;) hopefully you can somehow relate. cause ya know, that’s why i blog—in hopes that i’m not the only crazy one! hehe.
anyhoo, even tho i’m sure you’re prolly expecting a superdooper long-winded explanation of the secret o’ life— SURPRISE!! i think i’m starting to understand the secret isnt just one or two specifics or even a top 10 list of things you should do to get the most out of your life.
instead, its an all-encompassing foundation we should weave into every twist and turn in our lives, every journey uphill and downhill, every person we meet, every laugh line we grow on our cheeks, and every sad or proud tear we shed.
and being a Christian, i believe, fervently, deep down in my heart that God wants us to give Him the burden of the world we try to carry on our shoulders on a daily basis and RELISH this gift of life he has given us.
we simply should not worry about trying to figure it all out. its not our job. if you’re like me and you’re exhausted from seeking answers to all your questions, maybe you should just enjoy the ride…
James Taylor, The Secret O’ Life.
the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time
any fool can do it
there aint nothing to it
nobody knows how we got to
the top of the hill
but since were on our way down
we might as well enjoy the ride
the secret of love is in opening up your heart
its okay to feel afraid
but dont let that stand in your way
cause anyone knows that love is the only road
and since were only here for a while
might as well show some style
give us a smile
isnt it a lovely ride
sliding down
gliding down
try not to try too hard
its just a lovely ride
now the thing about time is that time
isnt really real
its just your point of view
how does it feel for you
einstein said he could never understand it all
planets spinning through space
the smile upon your face
welcome to the human race
some kind of lovely ride
i’ll be sliding down
i’ll be gliding down
try not to try too hard
its just a lovely ride
isnt it a lovely ride
slidin down
glidin down
try not to try too hard
its just a lovely ride
so enjoy the passage of time, huh? it’s all about being present, in the moment. take heart the miracle of emotions we can feel—joy, anguish, fear, pride, elation, love, belief, grief, gratefulness…grasp them tightly with your very soul, breathe them, cherish them.
i personally dont feel i should just coast thru life egotistically numb to circumstances and withholding compassion so i can enjoy life to the fullest with no responsibility. i dont think i should relinquish my child-like wonder of creation and the world or stop searching for answers to them. i also feel that i should continually strive to learn more about my interests and passions, so i can become a better person and help others.
but there’s a point where we step over a line and become the gods of our own little world and it ruins the beauty of what life’s all about.
it’s really all so complicatedly simple. and instead of withering away my time over-analyzing parts of my life that i honestly know i have no control over, i should embrace what comes, good or bad, and give simple thanks God has given me His breath of life to spend time on this earth. and move on. i know, i know, that’s hard (sometimes seemingly impossible or worthless) when life’s hard. but its a conscious choice—and if we want the most out of this lifetime, we will choose joy in the midst of even the most trying times.
people will see and feel your spirit and they will be blessed by it.
give. love. forgive. play. hurt. seek God’s will. understand. enjoy the passage of time…
we only have a little.
goooood evening!
so, how do you like the new interior decor? hehe! i decided i was tired of the sledding banner because I’M TIRED OF WINTER!! :P so, a new banner just meant a little bit of spring cleaning, too. hehe! i’m sure i’ll do a little more tweaking tomorrow. i really liked my old layout—nice and clean and non-cluttered, and that’s how i wanna keep it!
sooo a little about the new banner :) you guessed it, that’s moi in all the pix up there. i chose ones that bring back vivid and warmfuzzy memories for me! sometime i’ll have to tell you the stories behind them. you know how i love to tell stories! ;) (or, maybe you dont? LOL!)
i do have to say that today and yesterday i was feeling a bit “springy!” i think the angle of the sun is changing enough now to where it is giving me the feeling of the seasons changing. i LOVE it. it made me almost smell mowed grass as i was sitting at my desk, looking out the window at our icy driveway…*sigh* heh.
anyhoo, its nitenite time here :) i’ll write more tomorrow!
sweet dreams . o O ( zzzz…ZZzz…ZZzzz…)
~josey~
