well last nite i finished Body Clutter.
here's the main thing i learned--my perfectionism is holding me back.
in pretty much every area of my life! :-O
ya know, 10 years or so ago i always bragged about being a perfectionist. it made me feel good--perfectionism meant i was thorough, precise, on-the-ball, diligent, & a good delegator & leader. so wow, those things sound GREAT...right?
HA!!! what euphemisms in my life!
okayokay, i wont say those things arent excellent attributes in and of themselves, but so many of us are perfectionists in a way that hurts and hinders us, and we dont even realize it. we usually place the blame on something or someone else when things dont go our perfectionistic way. when in reality, it's really because we have our lives in a perfect little box, and everything we do, say, breathe, eat, sleep and exercise has to fit in it--and if it doesnt, we either project the blame or think we can fix it (and usually endlessly,fruitlessly try...and then feel guilty, beat ourselves up, give up...the perfectionist's cycle!!).
we are so inflexible even when we think we are laid-back...if something doesnt go according to a well-laid-out plan, we are stuck like a pretty maiden tied to the railroad tracks (and in this case, her hands are NOT tied...hmmm!).
okay that was a dorky allusion, but hey its the first thing that popped into my head :P she might think she is stuck but her hands are free--so why doesnt she untie the freakin rope??? *LOL* instead she is going to lay there and suffer when she has a perfectly good means to remedy the situation!! she just cant think outside her perfectionistic i-always-do-it-this-way-its-not-by-MY-book attitude!!
whew okay, enough of my ranting. here's some things i highlited in my Body Clutter book that really struck home for me...
"You cannot give to others something you don't have, and if you don't have love for yourself, how then can you truly love others?"
"What are we doing when we hide in the car and scarf down doughnuts or a big greasy burger and french fries? Who are we kidding? No wonder we can't lose weight; we don't really want it bad enough. We set ourselves up for failure because we are dishonest with the most important person in the world. If we can't tell ourselves the truth, then what have we come to? I know you want to curl up in a ball right now and feel sorry for yourself, but that is what this kind of sneak eating is all about--feeling sorry for yourself."
"For a new habit to become automatic, we have to cheer ourselves on and not depend on the feelings or words from others."
"...we must first forgive ourselves for our past and quit punishing ourselves for every little mistake..."
"Guilt is the lack of forgiveness manifested in physical anxiety."
About moving our bodies... "Our fear of not doing it right keeps us couch potatoes."
"From the time we were little children, we have been told that if you can't do something right, don't do it at all. This kind of thinking is what got our home and body in the chaotic state that seems to overwhelm us. This is perfectionism!"
"In our perfectionism, we tell our husbands that their help is not good enough. If our ugly words do not deflate their loving gesture of folding towels, our action of refolding them will tell them loud and clear that their help is not good enough. Our children have to deal with this all the time, too..."
In the "Excuses, Excuses!" chapter, they listed several common excuses we use to keep ourselves safe behind our Body Clutter. here's a few of mine they listed:
"My husband loves me for me! He loves me just the way I am, not for what I look like. This may be true, but that is no excuse for not taking care of yourself. That sweet man loves you and for that reason alone, you should love yourself enough to be on this earth with him as long as you can."
"I really do love my chocolate. Do you love your chocolate more than you love yourself and life? When we deprive ourselves, it is no wonder we have to eat the whole box to get satisfied. It is not the chocolate we are craving, it is the love we feel when we eat it."
"After all, I am healthy: I have good blood pressure and I have no problem with my cholesterol. ...You are not healthy if you are obese and sedentary."
"I don't want to 'deny' myself. Would you rather feed your face than deprive yourself of good, healthy food? The truth is you are denying yourself good health."
sooooooooo...with all that said, those really hit deep with me when reading Body Clutter. my brain is pretty chock full of things to chew on now! heheh!!! but ya know, i feel good about it.
i think more than anything, the mental clutter of being overweight has weighed me down more than the physical weight all these years. im definitely ready to start throwing junk out!!! im sure once i start ridding myself of all the negative crap, that will make room for me to focus on things that matter so much more to me--like loving and caring for my husband, home, pets, and staying in better touch with my friends & family.
i know that all sounds so simple--but as im sure some of you can empathize, when you have mental clutter bogging you down it's hard to focus on anything else. it consumes us and affects nearly everything we do.
whew okay!! hopefully that wasnt too much of a downer. i think its all definitely a BIG step in the right direction im really starting to understand that getting healthy is just the opposite from what i thought it was--its not losing the weight and then being happy...its dealing with the inside and then the outside follows
until next time...
~josey~
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