winter blues

happy monday :)



well today's kinda an "eh" day, if ya know what i mean! i donno why...i think being cooped up in the house all winter is playin with my mind *lol* this is the longest i've gone without working outside the home, and i'm still learning to be with me, myself, and i 24/7.



dont get me wrong--i wouldnt give up being able to work from home unless i really had to, i love it! having time to do what i want to do is awesome!! and i know one day when we have kids i'll be thankful i have housekeeping routines down pat and the like. but sometimes it gives me too much time to think and be whiny *hehehe!*



on the upside, my weigh-in this mornin showed a 4.2lb "loss" last week! so, im .6lb away from the lowest ive been at 210.6. only 13.2lb to go to my 10% loss goal! WOOT! (by the way, im not as anal about my weigh in amounts as it seems--our scale measures to the .2lb so i just go by that! hehehe!)



as of how i feel today, im expecting the next day or two to be tough unless i get my act together. my mental state isnt 100% peppy, if ya know what i mean :P prolly pms or something. LOL!!! i should be downing my dong quai and raspberry leaf teas--those will help balance some of that out! oh well, you cant do it all, all the time. i keep telling myself "BABY STEPS" and it'll eventually completely sink in!



*LONG PAUSE*



well whattaya know, i just cheered my own self up. LOL! here's something i posted on my sparkpeople journal:



a previous SparkPeople Healthy Reflection:

"Often our first reaction to a stressful situation is to overcompensate and overwork to overcome whatever it is. Sometimes though, the best thing you can do it step away, take a breath, and come back to tackle the problem with a clear head. Replacing important things in your life with work only causes anxiety to build up--not to mention that it takes the joy out of life. Vacation does not have to mean physically leaving your everyday life and jet setting to the beach. Whatever relaxes you, brings more clarity, or calms your mind during times of stress can certainly be enough to rejuvenate! When logic tells you to quicken your pace and pile on the extra work, yet your heart is reminding you of the meaningful time you are neglecting with family, friends, and yourself, it's time to slow down. Often letting off on the gas for a period of time can compose and refocus your mind."

i donno about you, but many times my FIRST tendency when faced with a stressful situation is just to CHECK OUT! shut down, wimp out, pitypartypoorme!



altho it may only be temporary, i realize now that this is a huge red flag--telling me im too burnt out to take a proactive step in solving a sticky situation. this year, im learning to be nice to myself. YES, to LOVE myself! its so dang hard! *LOL* for many years, my only pep talks to myself were to cheer myself on when snarfing down junk food! hahah! that was not loving myself. (obviously. hehe.)



i have been making a conscious effort to do something nice for myself nearly every day now. taking a relaxing bath, reading, talking to/emailing friends & family more, taking a break in my day to sit quietly and enjoy a cup of hot tea... i know, many people say "i dont have time for that stuff! i have kids/spouse/job/housework/ etc..."



but honestly--how can you take care of everything/everyone else in the most loving, cheerful way if you yourself are running on empty? it took me a long long time to believe this and reprioritize. but now i am slowly reaping the benefits every single time i choose to be kind, gentle, and loving to myself by taking just a little time each day FOR ME! :):)



i guess that's one benefit to having a blog or journal. you can go back and read things you wrote on days you felt on top of the world, positive, and in good spirits. this was a good reminder for me that just sitting on my butt all day long, not showering, and feeling sorry for myself for whatever goofy reason is not doing any good!!



im off to take my puppy outside to play, and then im coming in for a warm bath, some hot chocolate, and to start a fire in the fireplace! (and of course start the laundry, too. LOL life's not ALL fun and games ya know!! teehee!)



OH and one other thing! in my yahoo group, we're doing an 8-week Spring Cleaning mission! each week will be something new to choose from. this week the missions focus on our TIME...and how we can make our time spent doing normal everyday things more special and meaningful. i chose to focus on time spent with my hubby, friends, family, and pets.



im going to call my good long-distance friends laura and sarah this week, and try to get together with my friend rachel. im also going to drop a few emails ive been putting off! AND im gonna spend some extra time loving on/grooming/playing with my sweet furry kidlings *LOL* and best of all, im going to do something special with my hubbysweetie pie sometime this week (donno what or when yet hehe!).



okay off to put on socks, boots and a coat and run out with my maizy puppers! thanks for letting me vent and cheer up! *hehe*



enjoy the day :)



~jos~

more snow and other ramblings

hidey-ho!



dang, i cant believe it's friday again already. the last week has gone by fast! im super bummerinoed cause we were sposed to visit my fam in IN this weekend, and had to cancel cause of weather (buttloads of snow here--ice there!). this is the second weekend in a row we've canceled, and it's been since christmas since i've seen them. thank goodness for puters at least--i chat with my mom and sister quite a bit. that's fun!!! and we tend to do it fairly often, more often than we call each other. boy, times are a-changin, eh? ...



okay, bad news first--when i weighed in monday, i had GAINED 4.8lb since the previous monday! shyeah can you believe that! LOL after my awesome 3.4lb loss the week before!!



good news, tho--im just about back down to where i was before the gain. *lol* we ate out tons last week, and even tho i rarely went over 1600-1800 calories, i think just all the sodium and lack of drinking water packed some water weight back on! BLEH!



nevertheless, this week has been a good one. ive had tons of fruits, veggies, good carbs and water and of course yummy good fats. since we may be somewhat snowed in this weekend, i went ahead and did our grocery shopping today for all of next week. i have NO excuse to not eat well thru next weekend!!



i got gobs of fresh fruit (oranges, kiwi, canteloupe, apples), broccoli and red peppers, salmon (yay!), whole wheat pitas and boca chicken patties (LOVE those on the foreman grill, and then in the pitas with pickle and mayo!), and of course a bunch of other stuff, but you dont wanna know my whole shopping list, do you? heheh!



OH and stuff to make bean and cabbage soup tomorrow. as part of a mission on my yahoo group, im trying a new cruciferous veggie--yep, cabbage! i never knew how good it is for you! so i found this soup recipe and am gonna try it. i got some totally awesome cider baked ham to use in it and even some stone ground corn meal to make some corn bread to go with it. i was going to make the soup at my parents' this weekend--but, this way at least i'll know if its good or not hehe! if it is, maybe i can try it there next time.



so wow, nothing deep and exciting to report today--i didnt do much reading this week, cept my magazine and a little bit of Dr. Weil's book. *lol* are you disappointed to not hear me rambling on dorkily about stuff i read? HAHA!



and i guess im in a weird mood today. i was all geared up to go to IN...packed and everything this morning and BAM that dumb weather forecast screwed up my groove. hehe! it threw me off. oh well! so now i have all weekend stuck in the house with my honey...we got some wood for the fireplace and i rented a couple DVDs...i think tonite we are eating out, but i will be good, dont worry :D



well i HAVE been somewhat sappy and sentimental lately, so maybe you'll get lucky and get to hear me blabble about that sometime soon. speaking of, i miss my jerky friend sarah... ya never know what you got till you move away! :'(



on that note, have a good weekend! hehe!!



~jos~

the day after

hallllo!



and just how are you today??? pretty durned good here! hubby and i had a great valentine's day and he made reservations at a local steak house for our dinner. it was AWESOME!



we enjoyed crabcakes for an appetizer (im notta big seafood person at all, but these were HEAVVVV-ENNN!), then we both had salads and a petite filet (6oz) with potato and a few spears of asparagus for our entree. there was even a complimentary glass of red wine! YUMMY!



and of course, being valentine's day we had to have dessert! they had this cute heart-shaped pastry/crunchy thing with lightly flavored lemon custard, sliced strawberries and chocolate syrup drizzled over the top. a great end to a great meal!!!



of course, i overate, but not half as bad as i usually do on special occasions. slow but steady progress!! the sad thing was, since i have lately been trying to recognize when i am actually FULL, i noticed after the appetizer that i really could have stopped eating and been full... HAHHAAH! that was even before the pre-entree salad! it really is crazy how much we eat!! ;)



i was telling hubby earlier how from eating all that food yesterday, i just feel BLEH today, like my whole body is "all stuffed up!" i feel a bit sluggish and my head is, well, slow, to put it simply. hehe! and i feel like i need to drink tons of water and exercise hard for a long time and sweat like crazy. *LOL* you know, to detox or something! (kinda like how you feel better after you blow your snotty nose! HAHAH!)



anyhoo, he said at least we arent craving more junk--instead we are craving a good day! and he is so right!! THAT is an improvement...progress for sure. physically AND mentally. woohoo :D:D



oh and one other thing...in my hubby's vday card to me, he thanked me for all my efforts to help lead us toward better health *awwwww* (he used much better wording! hehe) that made me feel SO GOOD. not only do i want to be healthier, i want him to be, too! he doesnt realize it, but he helps me a lot. he's got a great, positive attitude and his calm personality is a blessing to me!



anyhoo...good health is something we can strive for together, and i love him so much! YAY ME cause i've got the best guy EVER! (okay you might think that was all cheesey, but i dont care :P hahaha)



so what are you reading these days? welp, like i've mentioned, i finished the Body Clutter book, and also last night i finished Sink Reflections (also by FlyLady). both GREAT books that i'd recommend to ANY woman (men can also read them, but will need to be much more open minded).



a week or so ago, i returned a library book i'd finished--Mariel Hemingway's Healthy Living from the Inside Out. VERY GOOD BOOK!! i dont really care who she is (the granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway) or what she's previously done in Hollywood. she wrote a wonderful book and is very honest about her own shortcomings and what now works for her.



i'm sure i will get the book again so i can put more of it to good use, but the things that stood out the most to me were how important it is to BREATHE (i'll talk more about this in another post!), and how making your home a sanctuary can really improve your health. i have already "redone" our bedroom by removing all the extra unnecessary furniture & clutter, banning the pets (day AND night!), and adding lots of plants!



i got a beautiful algerian ivy hanging in the window and some other ivies and a snake plant on wall shelves. since then, we've been reading and relaxing in there every night before bed. its GREAT!!! all the greens in there are very calming to me, and with less pet hair and air-purifying plants, it just smells and feels cleaner. my next room mission is the office!!



i am also still reading Dr. Weil's Eight Weeks to Optimum Health. this book is my background project! it will probably take me more like 16 weeks *hehe* but that's cool.



there is just something about Dr. Weil that is calming to me. *lol* i think its his balanced way of thinking and living. he really stresses that so many areas of our lives are important to our overall health and well-being, not just food and exercise!



he, like Mariel, stresses how important BREATHING is. okay yeah, we know we have to breathe to live ;) but we really dont realize how shallowly we breathe because our lives are so rushed, we have horrible posture, we have fat guts that restrict it, etc...*lol* im not talking about meditating, either. (that can be quite intimidating to the midwest-countrygirl-what's'OM'mean-kindachick. LOLOL)



its really just about clearing your mind by focusing on your breathing so your body can actually get the oxygen it needs to work! okay so anyhoo, once i get this downpat i'll write more about it and let you know what i think. hehe!



okay well i guess i've rambled on long enuff! time to go move my sluggish body for 15 minutes! im also going to do more stretches each day. it just feels good!!



have a great thursday!



~jos~

burgers and fries and shakes--oh, my!

hey there!!!



drum roll please...[insert very cool drum roll here]...i lost a little over 3lb last week! so now i am down nearly 10lb since christmas. i feel great!! only about 12lb left to get to my 10% weight loss goal. i really feel like im on a roll!!



okay, so i dont think i've mentioned this, but for the last 2-3 weeks i have been eating a 40% fat, 40% carb, 20% protein diet. its pretty much like a real mediterranean diet--not south beach--and most of that 40% fat is coming from olive oil, nuts, flax seeds & oil, pumpkin/sunflower seeds, fish, fish oil, and a tad bit of canola oil. most days i get over 30g of fiber even! crazy, huh!



a lot of people might think that that low of a carb diet would make it hard to get a good amount of fiber, but really, when you eat more veggies & beans...and really be picky about the quality of the grains you eat, its not hard at all.



the best part about it is that i rarely feel hungry! i think i may have finally found just the right nutritional balance for myself if this weight loss keeps up YAY.



so now the fun part ...strangely enough, i ended up having BK (burger king) for lunch. LOLOL! yes, after all my preaching and great weigh in!



BUT BUTBUTBUT!



i think i did pretty durn good in my food choice. usually i get a whopper with cheese meal, sometimes large even, with an unsweetened iced tea. today i got a whopper jr (no cheese, no mayo), small fries...and a small chocolate shake! okay so the wj and fries arent SOOooo bad (cept for those doggone transfats...ugh!)...



but why, ask me WHY did i get that dumb shake!?



can you believe the shake (reminder--it was a SMALL) was only a few calories LESS than both the wj and fries combined? EEP! BUT!!!! (yes another but hahaha) i only had about 1/4 of the shake. 1) honestly, it didnt taste that great. it was way too sweet! and 2) the burger and fries filled me up pretty good! and 3) once i saw the calorie stats i just couldnt bring myself to snarf it down since it didnt taste that great and i was full anyhoo!



WHEW! so, it ended up being around 640 calories which isnt too bad.



and one more observation about the whole BK trip...it was all purely emotional eating. *GASP* (shocker.)



i went to the post office, and thought, hmmm...hubby's not coming home for lunch, maybe i'll just have a burger. i deserve it! yeah, i can eat just a little! GEEZ, what is this I DESERVE TRANSFATS and NO NUTRITION crap coming from anyway?? there must be a little gluttonous devil sitting on my shoulder! *LOL*



so at least i had some practice eating less and making slightly healthier choices. even if it was pretty much devoid of nutrition. of course tho, i will never totally give up fast food...at least im pretty sure i wont. i just want to stay on track as much as possible so i dont fall back into my fast-food-binging mode!



soooooo i am counting on this week being another successful one. i am still on track with my 15 minutes each day of Blessing My Heart! and i am sure with some focus and reminders to be good to myself, i'll do great on food again this week. i see it all slowly melding into my lifestyle and really becoming habit. it feels so good!!!



do something nice for yourself today! you deserve it.



(YES, you do.)



~josey~

how do i love me?

good morning!



i just wanted to drop you a line, cause i JUST had an ah-ha! moment...a God Breeze...a revelation...whatever you wanna call it! see, i have two super awesome online buddies *waves atta shellers and trac!!* whom i met through sparkpeople (which, btw, is an amazing--and free--resource for getting healthy).



these two girls get me through so much! they listen to all my crap and always offer sound advice and encouragement. (plus, they both just crack me up with their awesome senses of humor!!!) we are all "weighed down" with the same struggles...and being brutally honest about our failures AND successes just feels darned good! ANYHOO...



shellers sent me an email a bit ago and is just having one of those days. you know, those days when there just arent enough fast food places to visit and cram your face full of every greasy, yummy food you can think of? heheh! one minute you want salty, the next its sweet, then salty, then sweet...then who knows!! the cycle never ends. you come off a sugar rush and start craving it again. you have a headache and know that a little jolt will coax it away.



but...at the end of the day...what did you accomplish? GOSH i cant even count how many days of my life have been THIS KIND OF DAY!!! and even tho i had this God Breeze just moments ago (which i will tell you in one sec!), i know i will still have these days in the future. im human. sadly. *LOL!!!*



so anyhoo, here's my revelation! shellers' email prompted me to respond...and in the process of responding i really learned something! i love it when that happens. you just start that brain process and the next thing you know, WOW, you said something intelligible and new! its like something clicked. so...to save me a little typing, here's an excerpt of my response to her:

"so hey this is something that i've really been trying to drive into my brain lately. when we go on our emotional rollercoaster eating, all the time we are thinking in the backs of our minds "this is bad food, im a bad person for eating it, im so stupid! but im going to eat it anyway!" would the next line possibly be..."cause i deserve it!" ACK! stop and think about that a minute. no im serious--stop reading this for a minute and THINK...does that make sense??? does your body really deserve no nutrition, tons of preservatives, sugar, caffiene, headache, and worst of all--growing fat cells??? obviously no. *heheh* so this is what i've been trying to do--remove the word BAD in regards to food and replace it with "unhealthy" or "not nutritious." and remove the word BAD and STUPID in regards to ourselves and realize we are NOT stuffing our faces because we are BAD or STUPID...but because we are lacking! (and NO, not in intelligence! LOL) we are lacking a love for ourselves. we are lacking in a relationship between our mind and body! i know it sounds cheesey, but i truly believe it! i mean think about it, if we really loved ourselves, why would we gorge on krispy kremes, mocha lattes, fried chicken and mcds in a mindless frenzy???



okay, so that was definitely a lecture. but dont feel bad! i've been lecturing it to myself (in a loving way! hehehe ) since i read that Body Clutter book! obviously we all have a long way to go...but taking that one step to realize we need to be more kind to ourselves will make a HUGE difference. when i pig out, i think im loving myself by comforting myself. but im not--im cramming my body with crap it cant use and in the end i feel horrible mentally AND physically. and the longer i do it, the more likely it is i'll gain weight. i'm realizing quite clearly that this fight with weight loss really isnt about the rolls on my gut or the cellulite on my thighs! its about my feelings about myself and the instant gratification scene.



so if you are still wiping powdered sugar off your face, stop and think about if that donut really puts love in your body (not to mention your complexion!) and if that DC [diet coke] is really hydrating you!"

okay...so i have to admit, i dont really know all the reasons why i dont love myself. i mean, yeah, obviously i dont like the way i look! but i know there's a lot of reasons deep down that i havent discovered yet. they will come in time, but its going to be a tough crackin' cause im stubborn and my perfectionistic side thinks i can devise some diet or exercise plan that will solve it all! so im working on that...hehehe!



so there you have it...another crazy blog entry. i know you're probably thinking im crazy or just very obsessed or neurotic or, well, i donno. all i know is that it feels good to put my thoughts down, and i can type much faster than i can write!



time to go Bless My Heart (exercise!) for 15 minutes! its my goal for the next two weeks. hope you find some time to do it, too!



~jos~

inside-out

hey happy monday!!!



well last nite i finished Body Clutter.



here's the main thing i learned--my perfectionism is holding me back.



in pretty much every area of my life! :-O



ya know, 10 years or so ago i always bragged about being a perfectionist. it made me feel good--perfectionism meant i was thorough, precise, on-the-ball, diligent, & a good delegator & leader. so wow, those things sound GREAT...right?



HA!!! what euphemisms in my life!



okayokay, i wont say those things arent excellent attributes in and of themselves, but so many of us are perfectionists in a way that hurts and hinders us, and we dont even realize it. we usually place the blame on something or someone else when things dont go our perfectionistic way. when in reality, it's really because we have our lives in a perfect little box, and everything we do, say, breathe, eat, sleep and exercise has to fit in it--and if it doesnt, we either project the blame or think we can fix it (and usually endlessly,fruitlessly try...and then feel guilty, beat ourselves up, give up...the perfectionist's cycle!!).



we are so inflexible even when we think we are laid-back...if something doesnt go according to a well-laid-out plan, we are stuck like a pretty maiden tied to the railroad tracks (and in this case, her hands are NOT tied...hmmm!).



okay that was a dorky allusion, but hey its the first thing that popped into my head :P she might think she is stuck but her hands are free--so why doesnt she untie the freakin rope??? *LOL* instead she is going to lay there and suffer when she has a perfectly good means to remedy the situation!! she just cant think outside her perfectionistic i-always-do-it-this-way-its-not-by-MY-book attitude!!



whew okay, enough of my ranting. here's some things i highlited in my Body Clutter book that really struck home for me...

"You cannot give to others something you don't have, and if you don't have love for yourself, how then can you truly love others?"



"What are we doing when we hide in the car and scarf down doughnuts or a big greasy burger and french fries? Who are we kidding? No wonder we can't lose weight; we don't really want it bad enough. We set ourselves up for failure because we are dishonest with the most important person in the world. If we can't tell ourselves the truth, then what have we come to? I know you want to curl up in a ball right now and feel sorry for yourself, but that is what this kind of sneak eating is all about--feeling sorry for yourself."



"For a new habit to become automatic, we have to cheer ourselves on and not depend on the feelings or words from others."



"...we must first forgive ourselves for our past and quit punishing ourselves for every little mistake..."



"Guilt is the lack of forgiveness manifested in physical anxiety."



About moving our bodies... "Our fear of not doing it right keeps us couch potatoes."



"From the time we were little children, we have been told that if you can't do something right, don't do it at all. This kind of thinking is what got our home and body in the chaotic state that seems to overwhelm us. This is perfectionism!"



"In our perfectionism, we tell our husbands that their help is not good enough. If our ugly words do not deflate their loving gesture of folding towels, our action of refolding them will tell them loud and clear that their help is not good enough. Our children have to deal with this all the time, too..."

In the "Excuses, Excuses!" chapter, they listed several common excuses we use to keep ourselves safe behind our Body Clutter. here's a few of mine they listed:

"My husband loves me for me! He loves me just the way I am, not for what I look like. This may be true, but that is no excuse for not taking care of yourself. That sweet man loves you and for that reason alone, you should love yourself enough to be on this earth with him as long as you can."



"I really do love my chocolate. Do you love your chocolate more than you love yourself and life? When we deprive ourselves, it is no wonder we have to eat the whole box to get satisfied. It is not the chocolate we are craving, it is the love we feel when we eat it."



"After all, I am healthy: I have good blood pressure and I have no problem with my cholesterol. ...You are not healthy if you are obese and sedentary."



"I don't want to 'deny' myself. Would you rather feed your face than deprive yourself of good, healthy food? The truth is you are denying yourself good health."

sooooooooo...with all that said, those really hit deep with me when reading Body Clutter. my brain is pretty chock full of things to chew on now! heheh!!! but ya know, i feel good about it.



i think more than anything, the mental clutter of being overweight has weighed me down more than the physical weight all these years. im definitely ready to start throwing junk out!!! im sure once i start ridding myself of all the negative crap, that will make room for me to focus on things that matter so much more to me--like loving and caring for my husband, home, pets, and staying in better touch with my friends & family.



i know that all sounds so simple--but as im sure some of you can empathize, when you have mental clutter bogging you down it's hard to focus on anything else. it consumes us and affects nearly everything we do.



whew okay!! hopefully that wasnt too much of a downer. i think its all definitely a BIG step in the right direction im really starting to understand that getting healthy is just the opposite from what i thought it was--its not losing the weight and then being happy...its dealing with the inside and then the outside follows



until next time...



~josey~