boundaries or compassion?

happy saturday!! :)

part of this new path i'm moseying along includes remembering to be grateful for the people i have in my life.  it also includes choosing healthy, happy relationships that are mutually nurturing and beneficial.  while most of my relationships meet that standard, there are a few that don't.

while i was perusing my facebook feed today, i came across this:

so wow...that's one way to look at it; one way i typically don't when it comes to certain people in my life.  i tend to have the knee jerk reaction of feeling used instead, especially after the fact :(
 
i immediately felt the need to share this because i have been struggling with this exact thing for a long time!  i must post this disclaimer, though--i feel a bit high-schoolish downloading these feelings. lol. but it's something i'm sure we all deal with, right?  i'm hoping i can get some outside perspectives to help me out here!

i have learned over the years that friendships come and go, and that it's okay if you outgrow each other or if other circumstances divert your paths. while it's not always easy letting go, new relationships ease the loss and many times are just what you need at that time in life!  not everyone is meant to be bffs :)

i've never been the kind of person to do the "pruning" of relationships in my life. lol. people just seem to naturally come and go.  but currently there are a few relationships that fit this "only remember you when they need you" profile.  with them, i tend to have that aforementioned knee jerk reaction which leaves me feeling crappy, sometimes mad, and other times sad.

there's a part of me that wants to remember to "feel privileged" and keep a positive, grateful perspective when these people come around.  that part of me feels an obligation in my heart to be compassionate to those folks, and be grateful they feel they can trust me and lean on me in times of trouble or need.  i also would feel terrible cutting those people out because a few of them may not have anyone else to turn to.  in my case, these particular people aren't a big part of my life--don't live closeby--and i don't have regular contact and their lives don't really intersect with mine on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis.  but, i still feel used by them and try as i might, i just cant shake the feeling!

do you ever set a boundary with people who only appear in your life now and then to take and never give?  even if it's just emotional energy and nothing else?  where do you draw the line?  when does being "a friend" really mean that you're essentially enabling that person's bad life choices (which is why they contact you) by you being the neutral party they seem to be seeking?  or is it loyal and helpful to provide a neutral ground so that person can feel safe and loved?

for me, it's a battle with being compassionate and non-judgmental against being mindful of the kind of people i surround myself with who aren't just here to drain me of energy...and then leave me to never check in and nurture the friendship, or even inquire about how i'm doing, etc...

what're your thoughts on this?  i don't feel like i verbalized it quite how i'm feeling, but it's such a touchy subject, ya know?  hopefully those of you who have experienced this know what i mean!

i know there's not a cut and dry answer. every situation is different. but i feel like i'm swimming in a sea of confusion and a little bit of hurt, and i'm battling against two different gut feelings of my own.

i'm not really asking for advice--instead, i'd love to hear your stories, experiences, and wisdom you've gained from how you've handled relationships like these.

(((hugs!)))
~josey~

moseying down a new path

well hello! :)

if you're reading this, i'm guessing you're most likely not familiar with my old sillygolucky (stayin' silly, livin' lucky) blog and also my separate health journal from years ago, where i mostly talked about random things going on in life and journey to being more healthy.  i haven't blogged much in a few years, and a lot has happened since then!

all the archives from the old blog are here on this site now, but if you do sift through them, please pardon all the broken links, weird paragraph spacing and no longer available photos and vids.  the blog has been bopped around and transferred a few times and those things were inevitable.  but all the text is there at least!

before reading on, if you're curious as to a few key points on my journey over the last 8 years, check out these old posts:

• a great start to the end of the year! (my very first blog post ever, Dec. 2005) 
• time to heal (written after my laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis, Mar. 2007) 
• crying over chocolate cake (a day in the life of imbalanced neurotransmitters... June 2007)
• what's the real reason? (a pretty candid look at my relationship with food, Oct. 2007)
• nutrition + emotions = health (my first experience with alternative healthcare, Nov. 2007)
• mo-shmo :P~ (Feb. 2010, a not-so-positive emotional vent that pretty much sums up my rollercoaster life from then up until recently!)

okay, onward...let's just jump right into why i felt like blogging all of the sudden after all this time...

man, sometimes the more you know about food, nutrition and health, the more frustrating and discouraging it all gets.  especially when not much of the purported "right" information doesnt help you feel better or lose weight!  anyone else with me? :)  trying to lose weight and get healthier has absolutely consumed my thoughts and life for many years.  there has been a positive aspect to this here and there; but looking back, i think it has created more unhappiness than happiness. not good.

so...to get right to the point...there will be no more dieting--ever--for this girl!  it's taken several years, and several swift-kicks-in-da-bum, and lots of pints of ice cream, and lots of journaling, and even more self-reflection and even MORE confiding in close friends and my hubby (poor them! lol!) to bring me to some clarity! i guess we all have our blockhead moments ;) (and they may even last a decade. LOL!)

instead of...uh, doing everything i've been doing for the last 10 years...lol... (which has brought me 40 extra pounds, more panic attacks, bad digestion, and lots more gray hair and wrinkles...)  i am now putting all my energy into appreciating my body, doing daily visualizations of how i will look and feel, forgiving myself and others, enjoying foods of all kinds, following my passion, getting out and being active doing whatever i feel like doing and allowing joy and gratefulness for what i have and who's in my life.

not that everything's perfect, mind you. :)

to me, that all sounds so much more simple than attempting to decode what in the heck i'm supposed to be eating (paleo, traditional, low fat, blahblahblah!) and what exercise (P90X, walking, yoga, hrrmmm??) i should be doing!  i've blasted through a whole stinkin decade trying to figure that out (many dozens of books and plans and websites and gurus and diets later) and i'm heavier and unhealthier (and older, oy vey!!) than where i started!  gee, surprise surprise. (sorry for inundating you with parentheses. it's just how i think! lol.)

honestly i think that's where we all make our mistakes--throwing so much time and energy into special diets and exercise plans.  someone else's plans.  dont get me wrong, i'm not discrediting anyone's research or best-selling book.  there are a lot of fitness and health experts who have helped countless people. i've benefited from bits of info from many different sources, as i'm sure we all have and will continue to.  sure, results happen with special diets and exercise.  some people can sustain it for life, but not many. (i have a lot more thoughts on all that, probably to arise in future posts!)

in light of that, i'm finding at the root of anyone's quest for health or weight loss there almost always seems to be some missing links. and they have nothing to do food or exercise or calories or macronutrients. in fact, for me, i'm convinced the missing links are what should be addressed before diet or exercise should even come into play!

i am 100% positive that i have damaged my health MORE being so stressed about not being able to reach those goals--physically, and especially emotionally (which then in turn goes right back around to affect the physical!).

so now i'm thinking...how about a gradual, gentle change? how about some self-love, gentleness and forgiveness? how about healing emotional wounds and finding some spirituality?  how about stating things in a positive light about our future and NOW instead of beating ourselves up about the past?  why does it always have to be about finding perfect health and a body to match society's standards? 

i'm ready to slow down and allow healing :)  in some ways, this is the more challenging path.  it will take longer. it will take changing my thought patterns. it will allow letting go! *gasp*  letting go of any preconceived ideas about what i should eat, how i should exercise and all that hooey.

and so for the food part...
deep down i know what's right for me.  goodness knows i've experimented enough with my diet to know what makes me feel good and what doesnt!  and that may not be the same for someone else.  i'm releasing all the dogma against any food that's whole and natural--i know what foods are nutritious and why.  my body will tell me loud and clear what is good for me and what isn't. 

and who says you have to eat perfect to feel great, anyway?  the emotional aspect of eating--how you feel about food you're consuming--affects how we feel physically MUCH more than the foods themselves.  not that you shouldnt eat nutritious foods, silly--you know what i mean :)

so i'm not going to cut out foods anymore...i'm going to eat what i want (which is generally healthy food anyway, but not always!) and do more adding of what's nutrient dense and makes me feel good.  no more "bad" food days or "good" food days. everything else food related will fall into place once my body is no longer malnourished, and i know that could take months or longer.  and i'm cool with that.

reading over this, i kinda feel like this post exudes a little bit of anger and frustration. well, i've been angry and frustrated.  lol. ;) i'd apologize, but i'm not sorry. i'm human :)  i typically focus on the positive aspects of things and don't like to complain when it comes to publicly sharing my feelings!

but in this case, i'm sharing because i know a lot of other people who are feeling this way, too.  many friends and i have collaborated on this subject bunches of times, and typically i had a perfectly-wrapped answer and plan. (heh.)  it's time i use my own common sense and filter out the brainwashed bits and finally start living my life.  i am making a huge effort to change my thinking and focus on the positive, feeling grateful and inviting healing into my life on all levels!  i hope this encourages you to do the same if you're feeling down in the dumps about your health, no matter what your challenges are!

whew. lol.  thankfully, i'm pretty sure this is the rock bottom, so the worst is over. YAY!  now that that's out of the way, it'll be much easier to let the good stuff flow... i'd love any partners in crime for the climb back up!!

feel free to chime and tell me how you feel!  are you ready to turn over a new leaf, too?  try for a new change of scenery down a new path?  spring has begun, the perfect time for new beginnings and a fresh start. life is good!!

(((hugs!!)))
~josey~