part of this new path i'm moseying along includes remembering to be grateful for the people i have in my life. it also includes choosing healthy, happy relationships that are mutually nurturing and beneficial. while most of my relationships meet that standard, there are a few that don't.
while i was perusing my facebook feed today, i came across this:
so wow...that's one way to look at it; one way i typically don't when it comes to certain people in my life. i tend to have the knee jerk reaction of feeling used instead, especially after the fact :(
i immediately felt the need to share this because i have been struggling with this exact thing for a long time! i must post this disclaimer, though--i feel a bit high-schoolish downloading these feelings. lol. but it's something i'm sure we all deal with, right? i'm hoping i can get some outside perspectives to help me out here!
i have learned over the years that friendships come and go, and that it's okay if you outgrow each other or if other circumstances divert your paths. while it's not always easy letting go, new relationships ease the loss and many times are just what you need at that time in life! not everyone is meant to be bffs :)
i've never been the kind of person to do the "pruning" of relationships in my life. lol. people just seem to naturally come and go. but currently there are a few relationships that fit this "only remember you when they need you" profile. with them, i tend to have that aforementioned knee jerk reaction which leaves me feeling crappy, sometimes mad, and other times sad.
there's a part of me that wants to remember to "feel privileged" and keep a positive, grateful perspective when these people come around. that part of me feels an obligation in my heart to be compassionate to those folks, and be grateful they feel they can trust me and lean on me in times of trouble or need. i also would feel terrible cutting those people out because a few of them may not have anyone else to turn to. in my case, these particular people aren't a big part of my life--don't live closeby--and i don't have regular contact and their lives don't really intersect with mine on a daily, weekly or even monthly basis. but, i still feel used by them and try as i might, i just cant shake the feeling!
do you ever set a boundary with people who only appear in your life now and then to take and never give? even if it's just emotional energy and nothing else? where do you draw the line? when does being "a friend" really mean that you're essentially enabling that person's bad life choices (which is why they contact you) by you being the neutral party they seem to be seeking? or is it loyal and helpful to provide a neutral ground so that person can feel safe and loved?
for me, it's a battle with being compassionate and non-judgmental against being mindful of the kind of people i surround myself with who aren't just here to drain me of energy...and then leave me to never check in and nurture the friendship, or even inquire about how i'm doing, etc...
what're your thoughts on this? i don't feel like i verbalized it quite how i'm feeling, but it's such a touchy subject, ya know? hopefully those of you who have experienced this know what i mean!
i know there's not a cut and dry answer. every situation is different. but i feel like i'm swimming in a sea of confusion and a little bit of hurt, and i'm battling against two different gut feelings of my own.
i'm not really asking for advice--instead, i'd love to hear your stories, experiences, and wisdom you've gained from how you've handled relationships like these.
(((hugs!)))
~josey~
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