what's the battle really about?

hey, friends :)

just some thoughts that have come to mind...

i want to extend my support and love to anyone struggling with being "overweight".
((( <3 )))

no amount of dieting, exercising, puking, training, being bullied, pill-taking, food-demonizing, shaming yourself or following a fancy plan will get you what you are seeking. 

sure, you might lose weight doing some or all of those things.  but is the weight what this is all really about?  REALLY.

peel back the layers until you get to the REAL emotions that drive your desires.  c'mon, be honest with yourself.  and if you think you know what they are, think again. go a little deeper.

embrace those feelings.  is it fear?  unworthiness?  feeling old?  slow?  like a failure?  ugly?  you fill in the blanks.  cry it out, punch your pillow, sing those sad songs.  know that it may even take you months or more to get past these growing pains. it did for me.

what are the desires?  do you want to be healthier so you can better take care of your family?  do you want to get off some prescriptions?  do you want to be able to bend over and tie your shoes without feeling out of breath?  again, you fill in the blanks.  actually, write them down.

so now that you are aware of these things, how about forgiving yourself for being so unfair to your body, mind, and spirit?  can't you see that you are beautiful, worthy and perfect just as you are right now--just the same as you would be at any other weight, whether it be more or less?  i know, easier said than done, but until you accept yourself in a positive way you will continue this cycle indefinitely...  you'll need to be proactive and find the tools that work for you so you can slowly retrain your heart and mind that these things are true.

have you ever looked into your own eyes in the mirror and said, "i love you. i forgive you. you are perfect." ?  i challenge you try it--i can't even begin to explain the emotions that will come to the surface.

over time (and probably a LONG time...), as your body and spirit relax and recover from all the pressure you've put on it, from all the negative self-talk with which you've been filling it, you will slowly start to heal.

then you'll notice that suddenly all the "rules" of how to get healthy mean less to you and you start to listen to that voice inside...yep, your gut...literally and metaphorically! :)  *ding ding ding ding!!*

next, all the things you thought were so important--the calories, the "good" and "bad" food, the equipment, the exercises, the books, the shakes, the pills, the videos, the gurus--will fade away.  you will only keep in your heart what is truly right for you and your resolve to follow that will become stronger and easier.  it will start to seem so obvious!

at this point, you may find yourself falling back into your old patterns of beating yourself up for not realizing things that seemed so common sense.  you know what? if you take a step back, that's okay.  simmer on it for a while. however long you need to. but then move on and pat yourself on the back for taking it for what it was and use it as fuel to keep going!

the next thing you know, you're moving a little bit here and there whenever the spirit moves you makes you feel inspired. there's no workout schedule, no special exercises. you just move how you want to, for as long as you want to--dancing to your favorite song while you play with your kids or clean the house, taking a mosey down the road, stretching for a few minutes because it feels awesome after a stressful day at work.

you're finding that you can eat what you used to consider "bad" foods in smaller amounts and you don't feel guilty at all.  you're finding that those stinky green veggies you used to hate are suddenly tasting kinda good ;) (okay, that one took a while for me. LOL.)  you go out with friends and family and enjoy yourself, the company and the meal--whatever it may be.  you also notice your cabinets and fridge have less packaged foods and more colorful foods.  WTH?? you're cooking, too!!  how did this happen?? :)

you let go.  you stopped trying so hard and started being kind to yourself.  you stopped measuring "success" by someone else's standards.  you're slowing down.  you realized that what took years to create will also take years to recreate :)  i dont say undo--because you will find you have learned so much about yourself, and it will be a good thing!  you'd never want to undo that.  you're transforming, growing, blossoming! pat yourself on the back and get ready for the next leg of the journey!!

soooo...this is what is happening in my world right now.  actually just a teensy bit of what's happening, but i'll spare you the details--for now ;)  it sounds a little dreamy, but this has been my process.

i am FAT by the world's standards.  it's weird, because in my mind i dont see me as fat. i'm still me, and honestly i do like me.  but i've been shamed, by others and eventually by myself in my own mind over and over.  it's been extremely painful.  it's ruined relationships that i've grieved over for years.  i'm not saying this for anyone's sympathies or approval; but instead to reach out to those who have been in the darkness of despair because of being overweight and all the damage we cause ourselves because of it.

it's a crazy world out there with all the opinions, some from seemingly well-intentioned and educated friends, gurus and such.  but we can't blame them; only WE can take responsibility for our choices and outcomes.  most of us need to go through the gamut and try it all (without success) before we realize what we needed we had all along, we just had to remember how to do it...

TRUST. in OURSELVES.

i am finding it's not about losing weight anymore. i could care less about what the scale says.  i am finding ME, and in the process of learning to love myself again, i know that vitality and a healthy weight will just happen on its own as the healing continues. truly, they are just bonuses outside all of the blessings i'm starting to experience and the gratitude that's becoming easier to recognize.  of course there will be bumps in the road, but i welcome them with an open mind and knowing that i have come so far already, there's no way in heck i'm going back!

sending out much love to all who are in the same boat!  you are not alone!! <3  reach out to others, even in the midst of your own struggles.  we all deserve unconditional encouragement, love, compassion and a shoulder to cry on.

xoxo,
~josey~