love the mother in yourself

Some women feel emotionally down around Mother's Day--not necessarily because their mothers have passed, but because they themselves are not able to have children for one reason or another.  It is so hard to see those women hurting; what does one say? Anything at all?

I myself am not a mother (in one sense of the word)--I have no children of my own.  Yes, I have my pangs of grief because I haven't been able to conceive.  Other options just haven't seemed to fit, so I've passed through my 20s and 30s sometimes wondering what the rest of my life will be like without being a "mom".  The questions come up--who have I disappointed?  Will I be lonely?  Has my life been wasted?  Over time, those questions can become very heavy burdens. :(

In my darkest times, I had someone reach out to me and it was the turning point for my healing.  I feel like this is a tricky subject because we all have certain deep-seated needs in our lives.  I don't want to sound unkind or not compassionate.  But this person reminded me that just like anything else in life, we have a choice.  We may not be able to change the situation, but we can choose how we live around it.  Sounds like common sense--but in the midst of pain and grief it's not that easy!  I seriously empathize...it's freaking hard. lol. Especially with this issue that is so emotionally charged.  You're constantly comparing yourself, the worth of your life's purpose.  Sometimes it even feels easier to just play the victim and feel sorry for yourself.

Personally, the hardest times for me were when I had an ectopic pregnancy and then a miscarriage later that year.  I can't even begin to describe the physical pain, the grief, and then the emotional numbness.  It took months to heal physically and emotionally, but it did happen.  If you are struggling, know that you CAN move beyond this. <3 Surround yourself with people who support and comfort you, but won't let you wallow too long ;)  I know it's especially difficult for some--and my heart goes out to you <3  But still, when it's all said and done, you deserve to feel truly happy and at peace.  And it's a choice.

In my healing (that is still happening!), I've come to embrace that maybe in this lifetime my purpose is to love my nieces, nephews and friend's children as if they were my own...to nurture and befriend my beloved animal companions...and to throw all my passion and love into a career I never thought I'd end up doing :)  I've been grateful to be able to fill that void with other things that truly make my heart sing.  No, I'm not denying that little twinge that wonders what I'm missing out on, that wishes I had my own little person to goof off with, kiss, hug, and raise to be the kind of adult this world needs. But I can't--and won't--let that define me in a negative light.  And I won't secretly be hurt that other women are having babies.  I started down that road at one point, and I'm so glad I was able to find my way back before I was long gone.  What a waste it would be if I squandered all the love I have to give by letting it fizzle out in my own self-pity.  Or even worse--hanging onto it inside while smiling on the outside, letting it eat away at me over the years.  At some point, in order to grow and receive all of life's abundance, we HAVE to let go of those things that bring us fear and pain. Sometimes it's slowly and in layers, and that's okay.  We have to stop comparing and know that each life has a purpose, and they aren't all the same.

You know how people are always saying, "Connect with and love your inner child!"  Well, I say the childless women need to "Love the mother in themselves."  We need to nurture that motherly instinct that then nurtures the world <3 The world needs so much of it, and not just from mother to child. From adult to adult, human to animal. The list could go on.

So to all the women out there who aren't "moms"...who are having a hard time around Mother's Day...don't lament.  Or at least, not for too long. <3  Pick yourself up and take a deep breath.  Reach out to someone who understands and resolve to find meaning in your life.  Know that your pain is valid, yet think about how you can start to turn things around right now.  It's not a loss unless you choose to make it so.  You are not less of a woman if you don't have children; you simply have another path to forge and different people and situations that need your love and expertise.  We can even give more to those moms in our lives who need extra support!

But for now, in this moment and until life takes another turn, I encourage you to embrace freely giving our nurturing, compassionate "mom hearts" to all those around us in our daily lives.  And for those who have loved ones struggling with this, just love her. Love her for her big heart and all the good she shares, and all the love she has the potential to give.

It's all about love; we all have it to give and we all certainly need it <3  I would love to connect with anyone who needs a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on <3

xoxoxo,
~josey~